Have you read Heaven by Randy Alcorn? If not, you need to. Like, yesterday. I read it years ago and it transformed my thoughts on death. Near the beginning of the book Randy writes something that anyone that lives with a fear of dying needs to read. Let me say this first – I have feared death since I was an 8 year old little girl. So much goes into it, but it is a fear that I brought into adulthood. A fear that used to frequently wake me in the middle of the night and I would panic just thinking about dying. So reading this book was a great need in my life. In it he said something to this effect…
Fearing death is normal. It is nothing to hide or to be ashamed of. We were created to live forever…for eternity. Then that sin thing ruined it. We know, instinctively, in our spirits, that we are not supposed to die. It isn’t normal. It is not how it was supposed to be.
Suddenly it made so much sense to me. I got it. I understood that.
Well, this week I was thinking about something else in my life that I find myself fighting against…and that’s hurt. Obviously, right? Who wants to feel hurt? Well, no one. But I’m talking more about soaking in it. Reliving it. Making hurt your label or what you’re identified by.
I think the death principle applies here too. It was supposed to be heaven on earth in the beginning. In my head that equals no hurt. And, again, my spirit knows that.
It’s not that I don’t know pain, shame, disappointment or hurt, I do. In fact, I can write a book on it. Wait…I am! The thing is, I don’t like to stay in it. My spirit instinctively knows that I was not meant to live in hurt. So if I have the choice and power not to…then why would I? Why would I continually relive all my pain and resurrect it?
Don’t get me wrong here, I know there are people that are tortured, abused, abandoned and rightfully hurting. I am not saying they should buck up and put a smile on. I’m not that insensitive. I am talking about having the power and choice to heal and disregarding that power and actively choosing not to heal. That is what I feel my spirit fighting against whenever I am tempted to stew in a moment.
And when I am tempted to stew my reasoning is usually selfish. What kind of attention will this get me? What might I gain? What might I be able to avoid? This is when I know I really need to address the hurt and deal with it immediately. I do not want to be responsible for stunting growth because I chose to not move beyond something that should have no power over me in the first place.
Again, I know hurt is a part of this life, this world. I get that. I do. I am not poo-poo’ing hurt all together. We all hurt. Can’t escape it. But we can go beyond the trappings of it. I really believe so.
Do I struggle with feeling hurt? Yup. All the time. Do I like it? Nope. And if I can be a part of mending that hurt and moving on you betcha I am going to as soon as I can.
So to sum it up… I believe we were not meant to sit in hurt. I believe when we choose to there are probably some underlying things going on…deeper than we might even realize. Ranging from the obvious being fear to perhaps feelings of guilt. And I do not believe in sweeping things under the rug. That’s not even a temporary fix, that’s just a recipe for disaster. I believe in standing on the strong feet and foundation God gave us and address the hurt face to face. Learn how it started, why it impacts you the way it does and why you’re holding on to it. Get to know it inside and out so that you can conquer it.
Great post! I need to read that book. That makes total sense when you think of it as us being created to live forever.
ash…yes, get it! you will not be sorry.
HMMMM. I am actually trying to learn to due the opposite honestly. In other words, for too long I have ignored hurts, felt ashamed to have them, and not admitted them. So I am trying to learn that it is OK to hurt sometimes. I agree, we should not wallow in hurt, but at the same time, we should not ignore hurt either.
absolutely. and i am speaking to the wallowing aspect here. tho you and i are on the same page with 'avoidance'. you are recognizing that you avoid hurts and i am suggesting to look at hurts face to face so that you can identify the what, why and how of them so that you can, then, move past them.
Very well written Tam… and I agree. There is a season…. for hurt, pain and even confusion. But there has to come a point, and there will come a point, when we are truly focused on Him, that we pull through and walk strong… continue running the race, and our past becomes testimony. Too many times, our "God allowed" pain, becomes self-inflicted pain…. and becomes something that is unintended and unglorifying to Him. It's always about Him, never us…. I will have to get this book, it sounds good… Thank you for this… <3
you know me well'er than almost anyone in the interwebs…so then you know this was a difficult post for me to write. i never, ever, want to sound like a mean person. it's hard to write something like this. in short…it's ok to hurt. i just don't condone soaking in it.
and yes, get the book!!! you will love it, deb!
Sweetheart, you don't have a mean fiber in your being…. anyone who has ever spent 5 minutes with you knows that… and yes, I know it was hard to write. But we're called to speak truth, and if it causes conviction for redemptive purposes, that's a good thing… love you… you can't and shouldn't condone that which is not from Him… good on ya! <3
i love you, crazy-lady. thank you.
Wow. I love this Tam thank you for writing. I've been fighting against this "stewing" and wallowing for the last couple months and there are days I feel totally free and healed and other days I know 100% I am choosing to throw a pity party and play the blame game and it just does no one any good. In fact it allows the enemy to come in and steal precious time and energy I'm spending in the past instead of being present in the moment and allowing God to turn all things to good.
Say NO to Hurt!
YES! this is what this is about. Girl, I am so happy to read this!
And, if you ever, ever, want to chat…you know I am here, Evie.