today was our first day of vacation. we left at 6 a.m. and arrived in camarillo, ca at 6 p.m.
driving through ventura sparked quite a bit of memories.
the sites. the sounds. the smells. they all began triggering moments lived several years ago. so much of my history here in my hometown, which we’ll be spending friday in, are not the most pleasant ones. but this afternoon i was flooded with some real great memories.
ones that made me miss friends i used to have….things i used to do. i realized there were some amazing times in my youth.
yes, this was the town that i was sexually abused in by my mothers boyfriend. yes, this was the town i was beaten so badly in i bear scars today still from it. yes, this was the town i chose to abort two babies in. yes, this was the town i drank far too much in and did some ungodly things.
yes. that is all true.
but it also holds some great experiences. first kiss. first “love”. i learned to drive here. i learned independence here. first job at the mc donalds drive thru. dont be jealous.
ive spent so much of my adult life working through the hurt and stupid choices, writing my book, ministering to hurting women who’ve lived through the same experiences, that i’ve forgotten some of the best of times.
its been years since i’ve been back “home” – and this is the first time i’ve had good triggers. good memories.
it feels great.
i think i’ve grown up.
you have things that trigger memories?
that place would be san francisco to me.
More than anything, conversations trigger memories for me.
But places do too, and sometimes unexpectedly, both happy and sad.
I've found triggers in the most unusual places; some of them are physical places and others are more internal. Good reminder that the bad doesn't have to push out the good…because in every experience there is something good hidden within the bad.
I have all kinds of places that trigger memories for me. The tough part for me has been working through them so that the good memories are actually good memories. For example, that first real girlfriend was also the first girl I really treated like dirt. Hurt her badly. So I can't think of that first girlfriend and not think of the pain. It's been a real process.
so glad you have pleasant memories amongst the painful ones.
Just wrote about this exact thing a couple weeks ago. http://www.prudychick.com/2010/08/redeeming-wicke…
I’m so glad you had “wistful smile” inducing moments. Proud of who you are.
All. The. Time. Especially since we moved to a place that has the same style of houses. I was talking to my husband last night about having such conflicting feelings about my childhood. There’s a lot of happy but there’s also a lot of pain. It’s an odd balance.
I’m so glad y’all are having fun and you are remembering the happy moments.
Love you.
Answering your question – yes.
I'm so glad yall are enjoying the trip and that you were able to think on the good memories while "home". Hope the rest of the trip is amazing!
Praying for you folks.
I so adore your outlook on life. You have such a healthy balance.
For me, a lot of confronting my triggers has been coming back up to DC. I didn't realize in 2004 when I moved south that part of the reason I did it was to escape an ex husband. Truth-be-told I was afraid to live in the same city as him. Afraid, ashamed, and haunted by a past I didn't ask for and can't control. So I cut and run.
Coming back up here, to a new life – I would be lying if I said I didn't still have triggers. We went on a walk the other day my sweet husband and I – and I had the screaming thought "what if ex-him drives by?" … not sure how to de-cloud my brain from these memories, but they linger and sometimes taint the life I'm creating with John. Have therapy-ed thru them, prayed thru them, sought God from inside of them, but they persist….
Maybe we are not designed to live w/o triggers… ?
Memories are so powerful. I keep a list of mood triggers in my wallet and when I need a lift I read through the list. It contains everything from my ex wife's laugh to my 2 year old son standing naked in a pair of cowboy boots (the boots went from his feet clear up to his little behind). God told us to remember His triggers so we will "know that [He] is God." I totally believe we were meant to live and rely on triggers.
I just went back to the city Adam and I met. I was there for an hour in the mall… and saw shadows of our old selves everywhere. We hug there. We waited for the bus here. We danced down the middle of that mall a decade ago…
I missed my boyfriend
Medford and specifically TRF used be huge triggers for me. You know we were apart of the community years ago and left suddenly. Some really hard things had happened to us, that very few people knew about. We didn't want to go. I felt like I had ripped out my husband's heart. TRF was not something we talked about for four years. It was unspoken. He never made me feel bad about it, and I never brought it up. But it ate at me like a disease. We would come to visit medford family and Nick would brood throughout the entire visit cause all he would think about was TRF and how bad he wanted to be back.
And yet … here we are. Back home at TRF. Finally.
How faithful God is.
Redemption is so much better than perfection.
Music-reminds me of certain people in my life, My mom used to play her records for my brothers and I and we would dance and sing for hours. Some music, remind me of the many car shows I went to with my dad. He had a car that he liked to show and I always loved going with him, it was our father/ daughter thing.
There are a lot of things that trigger happy memories for me.
So many things trigger memories for me. Walking high school hallways for one. Music. Vinyl LPs and cassette tapes. Peter Frampton. Styx. Boston. I'm glad you were able to get in touch with some good memories. It is hard for people to understand that fond childhood memories are intermingled with the horrific. Thanks for sharing a taste of good.