well tonight was an interesting night. i had an impromptu conversation with my son, kota.
i’m gonna have to back up a little bit here. thursday morning when the fam and i were driving down I-5 south to southern california i was thinking about all the people we were gonna meet and some of the conversations that might be had and questions that could be posed. one of them being…”hey tam, how’s your book coming along?”
it’s not that that’s a bad question – except for one thing… there is one person i still haven’t told what my book is actually about.
my son. kota.
the time has never felt right to me. not until this weekend. so i took a quick moment monday evening to pull him aside to tell him a bit about my past, my present and my ministry.
my boy and i, sitting on chad and sarah markleys stairs, had a conversation that he never saw coming. he was surprised to learn his mom had had two abortions and was widowed at age 19. his response…“mom? are you serious?”
“yes, i am.”
he reached out and gave me the longest, sweetest hug, followed by a kiss on the forehead.
i shared a few more details with him and apologized for not telling him sooner. but he understood. he received it so well. like a perfect, respectful young gentleman.
when i told him the book was called “the day i told my daughter” he got this big smile on his face and said “mom, that is a perfect name for it!”
and i could see in his eyes that he was proud of me.
we talked for a while longer then decided to join the company downstairs again. on our way down the hall he leaned over and gave me another hug and kiss and told me he loved me.
there was something complete about this moment. like something triggered in my head and heart. the “something” that has been missing. my husband, daughter and son are now all on the same page with me. they all know, they all still love me, they all support me.
later on the entire house had a spontaneous time of worship with chad and kass on guitars leading us straight to the throne. it was then i saw a picture in my mind of my book being complete, me sharing, speaking to crowds, about my testimony and my daughter leading worship.
the full circle. the whole story. the picture of grace, mercy and forgiveness for all to see.
i dont know if thats just a little daydream or if it’ll actually happen one day. all i know is i am now finally ready for it. the one piece of the puzzle is no longer misplaced…
the picture is complete and ready to be shared.
To say I feel grateful to have been with you for this falls so short of what my heart actually feels. I have no words, tam. Only thankfulness and a deep sense of expectancy.
I am so proud of Kota. And I am so proud of you.
Iloveyou.
i was thinking about that too. how amazing it was to have had this moment in the company of so many people i love.
thank you for being a part of that, small fry.
i love you!
My eyes are full of tears. Glad I'm in the office on my own. Can't get enough of redemption stories.
i cant either. God is truly good!
amazing, Tam. I had no idea you were widowed too. wow.
I'm hugging you in my head.
xx
hugging you back!
You have raised a wonderful, godly, loving, jesus reflecting young man.
Be proud, not only of him, but yourself, and in the amazing work Jesus does in us all.
Love you all so stinkin’ much it’s not funny.
thank you, jen. i love my family and am so proud of how they've all responded to this.
its truly jaw-dropping to me…
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
You know I love me some redemption.
I never even thought that Kota may not know, since it's out there in the public.
And that little daydream during worship? I dare say that's more than a daydream
Love from us to you. *sigh*
its a dream i really want to see fleshed out…
love you!
Your son continually amazes me… the maturity that he has for his few years… wow.
I am so proud of you… for where God is taking you… so grateful to God that he has given you the exact family you have
love you girl… love your heart… will be praying for you as God continues to develop this ministry in and through you… ((hugs))
thank you for your prayers, jenny!
love you too!
I agree with David…. more than a daydream… may it come to pass!!!!!!!!!!
Incredible. Annnnnd, I'm crying.
Kota is AMAZING, and I love his response to you. It's no accident that he is the kind of young man to react that way, though. You've shown him the grace and mercy and love that he's now showing you. Just beautiful.
wow. that means a lot. thank you for that affirmation, mary!
wow
its about time, eh….
Sobbing. What a sweet reminder of unconditional love.
totally unconditional. would be lost without that!
Awesome.
I am dreaming with you, believing with you, but more than that, I believe in you.
its nice to have friends like you. thank you for that.
You CAN DO THIS!!!
God gave you the time, the place, the worship, THE AMAZING son…
to fit the puzzle piece….
Write your heart….. It's time.
thank you, sis!
What a beautiful post. Thank you for being so open and candid
I'm so glad we got a chance to meet! Have a great vacation!!!
thank you so much…
it was a pleasure to meet you too, bianca.
[you have wicked board game skills!]
So good. God is so good, isn't He? Thanks for sharing!
He is, indeed!
thanks for posting this, it's been a blessing to get to know you guys! hope to see you later this week…
seriously…we have been truly blessed to meet you. hoping we connect again!
i love you too, branmuffin.
SO beautiful. And Kota's response is an indication of how well you and Brent have raised him, too.
thanks, friend. i really believe kota is gonna make a remarkable husband some day. he has a precious, sensitive, spirit.
simply beautiful. you have a wonderful family and a wonderful life—God has truly blessed you!!! and i'm so proud of who you are and what you are doing with your story, with your life. it's just beatiful.
honestly, God knew i would need my family to do this. they are my earthly fuel. amazing.
love you, girl.
My heart is so full for you Tam. You have a wonderful family including a really incredible son. Kudos to you and Brent for the fantastic job you have done parenting your children; they are both extraordinary people (and I can say that just from the handful of things I've heard about them as people). I am excited to see how God unfolds this dream He has placed in your heart. It will be something truly marvelous to witness. Thank you for sharing this part of your journey with us. Sending you some luv from the other coast
Luv ya!
thank you for those beautiful words.
i, too, am excited to see how all this unfolds now. i love the clarity this small, short, talk with my son gave me. looking forward to whats next!
beautiful.
i love you. i had no idea that happened last night.
i just love you.
i didnt know it was gonna happen. it was truly a "what? right now, God?" moment.
and, i love you too. so very much, sarah.
*tears* this post is priceless.
=)
Kota: I am so proud of your heart, kiddo. Thanks for loving all of your mom and showing her the love and respect every woman deserves. I love you, dude.
*tears*
Sounds like the perfect exhale in the midst of an incredible exhaling week. So glad for the freedom you have felt even more from that conversation. It’s sounds like you exhaled even more with your vision of speaking and Kass leading worship. Hope this completed piece adds more to your dreams!
exactly. freedom…thats it. permission too. just a whole bunch of newness because of this one moment. incredible!
wow.
Just. Wow.
thats how i felt too…
well, like many who have already commented..i too am all teary! God is so so good! I really wish I could give you a big hug right now!!! I miss you my friend!
i get to hug you next week when we come through town.
love you, friend!
I have 2 grown sons – speaking from experience, I can’t imagine any better highlight of mothering a son than the one you had with Kota.I’ve always told my daughter that the true measure of a man is how he treats his mother.He has quite obviously had a godly man as a role model. I’m in awe of his maturity and grace. Just wow.
i cant wait to see the kind of man kota becomes. i think his wife will be fully blessed by him. brent is a fabulous model for kota. im so proud of both of them.
youre right, he responded to me with the same grace he will respond to his bride some day. what a beautiful hope that gives me!
Amazingly beautiful. As are you and your family. Proud of him and you… and such an amazing dream to have! Thanks for sharing with us, friend. Will continue to be in prayer for you and your family. Love and hugs!
thank you for your prayers, randi!
im looking forward to seeing this dream become reality.
i have goosebumps!
i still do.
i found myself crying thru the night as i kept recalling pieces of our conversation together. he's a good little guy.
i miss you guys…and you'll be proud of me…i didn't eat da' cookie.
this post was beautiful. your family is beautiful. what has been made of your story is beautiful. love.
Love you Tam!!
i love YOU, papa! thank you for being such an amazing example of a solid marriage.
jenni is getting da' cookie.
nice!
in one piece??