These are my kiddos. The two babies I never thought I would have.
I mean, as a little girl, I always dreamed of having two children. One boy – one girl.
But in the time that was lived in the in-between…I thought I had ruined that dream. I was certain I wrecked any chance of ever having children.
Worse yet, I just knew God wouldn’t allow it.
After my second abortion, at the age of 17, I realized that I may have just destroyed my chances of having children in the future. Suffering through the recovery of this, near botched, procedure it occurred to me that the odds of me ever getting pregnant again might have become very slim.
Fast forward 6 years and I’m married and pregnant with my first child, Kassidi. Having not yet told a soul about my abortions, and certainly having not accepted Gods forgiveness or having the ability to even forgive myself, I was positive God would end this pregnancy for me. I know it’s not how He works. But my heart wasn’t working quite right, either.
Fast forward eight months and I’m delivering Kassidi one month early. I acknowledged the possibility that God may take her from me right then. He may let me see her then snatch her fast away. My rationale…she would be safer with Him – not me. Not someone who was capable of, and who had, short-changed lives in the past.
But He didn’t. He could have. He had every right. But, He didn’t.
Why? Because, thankfully, He does not think, or work, like we think or work.
My childhood dream of becoming a mother came true. But I had no idea then that I would be capable of nearly destroying it. No, I didn’t see that kind of me in my little girl daydream.
I do not know why I have been blessed with these two children. I really don’t. But I do know this…they are the most beautiful gifts I have ever received. Most assuredly undeserved.
What about you…what have you been given in life that just blows your mind every time you think about it?
God is currently renewing my mind and transforming my heart to really know that He does not think or act like we do.
Much in the same way as you thought you weren’t worthy of a second chance at being a mother because of your abortions; I have felt that I am not worthy of being loved unconditionally or be happy in a marriage because of my divorce.
God is showing me that there is a difference between consequences of our sin and punishment. What we go through as a result of our sin is consequences not punishment from God for He is too loving, too gracious, too merciful to punish/treat us according to our inequities.
I’m praising Him with you today; both for your two beautiful gifts and my beautiful one.
Love you Tam
I tried to edit thinking I posted under the Intense Debate app but I guess it didn't so I can't edit it.
But I wanted to add that the consequences we face due to our sin aren't even close to what due punishment should look like which is why we should know that God is not punishing us for our sins but in fact took our punishment upon Himself on the cross so we wouldn't have to. The consequences come from making that choice to sin but even those God helps us get through after we've genuinely repented and taken our sin for Him to blot out with His blood.
I hope this makes sense; I'm a little exhausted
makes perfect sense, les!
it took a long time for me to get to this understanding too, obviously. i am grateful for my consequences, actually. the memories of it all. it reminds me of who i do not want to be again…and also how far He has brought me and how much grace has been poured out.
I’ve been given an incredibly caring and understanding husband who never ceases to amaze me. After almost completely destroying my marriage and admitting to everything I had done, he told me he loved me more now than he did the day we married. He also told me that (after I admitted) sin was sin and that even though he wanted to judge me, that God had already done so and had forgiven me of it all so he had as well.
I still have a very hard time forgiving myself for everything and still don’t quite understand how he could still love me through it all. I am amazed by how God has shown me how beautiful a marriage can be everyday if we just let Him take control of it all. I continue to be thankful for everything I have been given though the love of my husband and can’t wait to see all of the future blessings we receive from it!
that is so beautiful, miranda!
your hubs and mine sound similar. brent had the same response when i told him about the abortions. THAT is the heart of God. Loving your wife as Christ loves the church.
we are blessed!
They are beautiful! Just like you, and just like your story of grace and forgiveness!
thank you, maureen!
It's all kind of overwhelming really. I mean, the kids, the wife, the family, the friends. I hate to pick just one to be overwhelmed about because I surely do not deserve any of them.
.
And thank God He doesn't think or work like me…..we would be in some serious trouble
i get ya. i do…
it would be my son as well. i tell him almost every day that he is my hero and that having him has taught me how to love and how to live.
so thankful God has entrusted a world changer to be shaped, trained and molded in my hands. i pray i launch this arrow even further into the Kingdom of God so that he will pierce the hearts of many for Christ.
I have been given a husband that loves me well. It blows my mind.
I would have to say my family constantly blows me away. It is so weird how we all fit perfectly together. My siblings challenge me to grow just as much as I challenge them and my parents know how to handle me. Normally, I could have some serious potential of being a wild rebellious child, but my parents are the masters. They know exactly when to hold back and put their foot down.
So crazy how they have forced me to grow into the person I am today.
That He gave me the gift of…Him.
I never expected to be a Christian…n.e.v.e.r.
I was born a Jew, raised a Jew, and converted to a life of Paganism (Wicca) for 6 years before coming to know Christ. I hated Christians the majority of my life, because I was so poorly mistreated by so many of them throughout my childhood and young adulthood – and never in my wildest dreams, did I expect to be a follower of Christ now for 7 years.
His gift of Himself is the blessing I will always be thankful for…for since then, He has continued to give me all the things I never expected and more.
Mind- blowing!
This amazing post sis reminded of this: Love ya!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5yRjIaN2ts
God is able,God is able
God is able and He won't fail
God is able,God is able
God is able and He won't fail …..
Tell me who can make a mountain
Move out of my way
And who can make a miracle
Because of my faith
And when the doctor says no
Who can still say yes
And when I'm in trouble
Who's right there to help me pass every test
God is able,God is able ………..
Hope you don't mind.. I am using this on my blog today… Stay tuned….
Peace
Pingback: Prayer for life…Why… « Continued…
OK.. Now to answer your question:
What gift? A purpose. For a long time in my life I struggled with what my purpose was. God is slowly revealing that purpose to me and as he walks me deeper and deeper into that purpose, I find Joy in knowing I am working for Him.
Peace and Love
just read through your posts from last years prayer life mission. wow.
I love you sharing your stories and your heart… and I think you have the world's coolest kids
this season of my life continues to blow me away… God's goodness in everything
i love that youre in this season, jenny!! completely fills my heart with joy =)
Like you, I'm amazed that God entrusted my kids to me. A-freakin-MAZED!!! I thank God every single day that my short-comings as a mother, and as a human haven't destroyed these young men, and that they seem to be turning out pretty awesome despite me.
There before the grace of God go I…. assuredly undeservedly…. but never the less.
i know, that i know that i know, God is a pro of swooping in and being Mr. Fix-It in my place as a mama. He is very good at that. I've given Him quite the practice
i am thoroughly in love with grace!
hi. im about to go read up on ya…
You've got two awesome kids. I'm also very thankful for God's grace.
thank you, bernard!
Tam you are such a courageous woman!!! I don't know if I could ever be as transparent as you are. You give a lot of women hope and a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for your honesty
you? calling ME courageous?!
oh, girl…i think not. but, thank you…you are loved and appreciated for all you do and all your hard work!
Visiting you today from incourage. Thank you for sharing your story. A story about His love and redemption. God is good – indeed!
He is very good! I'm so glad you came over…nice to meet you!