My cousin was found dead this morning. She was 34.
She was discovered kneeling at her bed side. Her hand tightly gripping a needle. They had to pry her fingers from it.
She died of an over dose.
Six children are left behind. From teens down to an infant.
A life – wasted.
I am heart-broken. I hate that my Mama had to watch her niece, and namesake, be rolled out of the house in a body bag. I hate that Mama can do nothing to comfort my Aunt. I hate that the children will have to process all of this. I hate that I’m not there with them.
But more than anything…I am angry.
I am mad that my cousin had a perfectly healthy life to live. And she wasted it.
I am angry that my dear friend Sara is dying and has no choice in the matter. And she lived her unhealthy life well. Never wasted a moment.
I am not angry at God.
I am mad at senselessness.
My tears today flow out of frustration, sadness and a feeling of helplessness.
While I grieve the loss of my little cousin I am hopeful that her tragic death will shake up the lives of those close to her heading the same direction.
And I Choose Joy today thinking about our Gitz, knowing that she wasted nothing. That her soon entry into Glory has been well earned.
Life – Death
That in between time, the dash, live it well, friends.
Make your dash count.
What a great post in your time of grief…may it be a reminder to all of us to make the most of that "dash", no matter how long our "dash" is meant to be. I am sorry you are having to deal with two ends of the spectrum in how people you love used their "dash" and try to find meaning in it all. Thinking about you, friend…I think a trip to Nashville may need to be in my near future (the girls are going home next Friday…I may need to get away, or maybe I need to stay put rather than "run away"…I'll be praying for direction!) (hugs)
Amanda
praying for you tam. praying that God's Spirit would comfort you and your family. That He be healer of hearts that are broken. That He be the song in the midts of darkness. That He be the solace in the midst of confusion.
Oh Tam, my heart aches for you. It is with a huge lump in my throat and tears in my eyes that I read this. Cannot begin to imagine how you must feel. Please know I am thinking about you and your family and lifting you all up in prayer today, along with our sweet Sara.
Love and (((hugs))) to you and yours,
Pamela
Also, very sorry to heart about your loss of not only your cousin, but your niece or nephew, too. We are currently studying spiritual warfare, and I've noticed in my experience that it seems like when life is going well and I'm really living for Him, is when I feel most under attack. Thats when all of the crazy, hard, trying things happen, & He reminds me to be still and know He is God. Love you, frind and praying.
P
This is absolutely heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your family, especially since the circumstances are so tragic.
It's a shame that life comes to tragic circumstances before people see the error of their ways, and it's even worse when it's too late.
Your cousin and I are the same age. That makes this whole thing even more sobering to me. I've been through a series of sobering realizations lately, and have already been looking for ways to better 'make my dash count'. I don't want to be one that gives into the pressure and lets this life beat me. I am going to choose joy, fight this good fight, and no matter how many punches I take, I'm going to win in the end.
Ouch. Be strong. I'm sorry.
Oh, Tam, I am so sorry for your loss. Especially in light of everything else and yet you're still choosing joy. Your response both encourages and inspires me.
I am so sorry to read about this heartache and tragedy. How sad for all who were and are touched by this event. You are so right about that dash in-between everything. You only get one chance…and I fear I have wasted most of my time on things that did not matter….but it is not too late to make the change needed. Sending you a hug today, wishing I could say or do more to make sense of how things in our world are playing out. I wanted to tell you, I have an appointment on Sunday for my "Choose Joy" tattoo. I am 49, never had one, never "knew" what I wanted but always knew I wanted one. I have lived too long in despair and will not waste another day….that will be my reminder…Sara's final gift to me. Praying for you too during this difficult time. Blessings to you and your family.
ah, Tam, I am so sorry.
It just makes me ill…. and like you, angry at senselessness.
I love you. Lots.
I am sorry for you loss Tam. My condolences to your cousin's family.
I also share your anger at the great waste of lives lost to drugs, and all the other vices, that devalue life.
Finding faith is the difference between ending our lives with a needle in our arm, or being able to choose joy in how we live, as Sara taught us.
Ed, you just said this perfectly…thank you
I love you Tammy
I am so sorry, Tam. I will hold you and your family in my prayers.
Sending you a Jesus hug wrapped in His comfort, love, and mercy.
There are so many things in this world to be heartbroken about yet it is the hope we have in Jesus, which sweet Sara has so eloquently emulated through choosing joy in her circumstances, that we can see past through the brokenness straight into the eyes of the One who heals the brokenhearted.
Love you.
Praying for you and your family. Choosing Joy is the triumph over the senselessness and helplessness.
extreme sadness…thats what i feel. So sorry for the pain this is costing you and your family. I know too many who left this earth the same way. Yes it was selfish on her part. I am praying for all of you, and praying for her too. I used to have that addiction, and i know what drives a person to it, and only God can save from it. I love you
Praying… love you, Tam!
Sending prayers and love your way, tam. My heart breaks for your family. May we never waste a moment of our lives.
My heart is heavy for you, I was in your spot last Oct on the anniversary of my husbands death, it was my sister on an overdose. I can not begin to understand she was 41 and I too hurt. So I hurt for you and for your family. I can not understand their choices, but I do know I can not lean on my own understanding. I love you sweet girl.
Love you friend. You're in my prayers.
You and your family are in our prayers. So sorry to hear about your cousin!
I'm so sorry, Tam. Really. Sending hugs and empathetic silence.
Tam,
I am so sorry for you, and for her family. I won't waste your time, dear sister in telling you I know how you feel, because I don't. Just know that you, and your family will be in my prayers. God Bless you and yours!
Jim
i understand your anger. wow. trust the Lord will use you in the lives left behind to shine His Light into their darkness.
The joy of the Lord is our strength, Jesus Others Yourself. It is so good to see this lived out in you with everything you are going through. I read things like this, and go through the things I have gone through, and at times grow weary at fighting this good fight of faith. But it's not about me, or my feelings, or my emotions. I understand the anger, the frustration, and I am praying for you. I think that is why Nehemiah 8:10 is in there… for times like these. God knows, that our only true joy, to get through this life, can be found nestled in Him. You live it… you've shown me how as well, to keep my order straight, Jesus Others Yourself, and for that I'm thankful. Even in things this devastating, I know you will find the true joy, that is your strength for your family, friends and even strangers… thank you for being such a role model for me and know I am sending big hugs your way.
I'm praying for your tender broken heart to be held gently by Our Father.
I'm asking for your family to feel the assurance that can only come through God.
I'm hoping they will turn to Him during this time…
God can redeem even this…
I'm so sorry…
I love you, TammyJo
There's so much truth here. Beautiful post during your grief.
Tam, I wish I could hug you right now.
xxxxx
Oh Tam, I'm just getting caught up on blogs…I'm just reading this. I. AM. SO. SORRY. It sucks. But I'm praying for your momma and the kiddos. And for you too friend.