Tam-InProgress

I give the “enemy” too much credit. Sometimes when faced with hardship, tough decisions or conflicts it just might be life. Perhaps it is the Lord allowing an opportunity for growth. Or, maybe, I’m just putting the ME in EneME.

If I’m being honest – I am responsible for many of my own struggles. It’s easier to blame the enemy over taking responsibility myself. But honestly I can be my biggest enemy by not doing what I know I should do. Or doing what I know I shouldn’t do.  Or not saying what I know should be said. Or saying something I know I shouldn’t say and so on… As a result I face the consequences and immediately have the choice to blame or accept.

And that is all. Just me thinking out loud.

Can you relate?

I had a serving-saga, ministry-mishap, a set-up-situation, Saturday night while helping our team set up for our Sunday services at Cross Point Franklin. Brent and I were hanging our largest Kids banner in the school hallway when the hooks in the ceiling came loose and the top support bar came crashing down on my arm. My arm didn’t break but it isn’t quite the same either.

The incident reminded me of something that I just had to share with y’all. I hope you will laugh about it, too!

After a few minutes of holding my arm and repeating, “Oooo, Oooo, Oooo!” a million times, I decided icing it would be best. So off to the schools staff room I went to check if they had ice. They did. Next, where would I find a baggie for the ice. I looked everywhere but couldn’t find one. Then, I saw it. All alone in a bottom a drawer and this is when I start cracking up…

Rewind to April 18, 1994, the birth of our first child, Kass. Typical childbirth and typical discomfort afterwards. Nurse walks in and asks if I’d like some ice…for, “down there”. Um, YES! A few minutes later she returns with this…

A hand.

A frozen hand.

For “down there”.

For serious. 

So, Saturday night that is what I used, again, for my arm. And the memory of my first experience with a frozen hand made me laugh just enough to forget how much my arm was hurting.

And let me tell you…the frozen hand is really quite brilliant. Once the ice begins to soften you can bend the fingers and place them wherever you need them. I totally had it hugging my arm!

As I was putting some of my book chapters together this week I was noticing the different time lines weaved throughout my story. Timelines filled with regret – shame – forgiveness – hurt and healing. There are portions ladened with years of shame. Many, many, years packed with regret and more than an ideal amount of hurt years. The today me recalls all of those timelines very well. The sting of each occasionally makes themselves known. But, even so, my today-timeline is laced with healing…no, it’s smothered in it. For that I am so grateful.

Tho the more I reflected the more I realized that it wasn’t just time that healed all those wounds. Although time softens life’s blows and can allow hurt to begin detaching itself from the chambers of our hearts, there is still another big component to healing…Effort.

We’ve heard it said a million times – Anything worth achieving is worth the effort. Hurting isn’t easier than healing. Effort isn’t a walk in the park. It is saying to oneself that I am not going to allow hurt to be my master and the author of my life’s timeline.

You can spend 2 years reliving how so and so hurt you or you can spend those same years releasing their power over you and, perhaps, forgiving them. Most of my healing came through forgiving. Forgiving others and myself. Forgiving is not the same as giving the offender permission to hurt you and a free pass to get away with it…Forgiving is giving you the permission to heal and show grace to others.

Yes, healing hurts. But so does hurt. We don’t ignore our finger when we slice it with a knife. We tend to it right away with antiseptic and bandages so that it can begin healing. We don’t just look at it and say, “In time that should take care of itself.” Ignoring it would only cause an infection and a much deeper scar. The antiseptic stings when applied but in that effort it is beginning to clean out anything that may cause future harm.

Time + Effort.

This is what effort in healing looks like. It’s worth the initial sting and having to come face to face with the ugly cut. And when that day comes when you remove that bandage and only slight evidence suggest there was injury, and it no longer causes pain when touched… then time, and you, have done your parts in the healing process.

There is healing in forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t happen with passing time – it happens because we choose to forgive.

To say that I was honored to be asked to review Justin and Trish’s new book, Beyond Ordinary, would be a very big understatement. Justin and Trisha are two of my closest friends. I walked in to their lives during their healing process and let me say…I’ve learned a lot from them. Mostly…how to extend grace.

I read their book in two days. And…I am giving away 2 copies to two commenters on this post. Their written word is just like their spoken word – Authentic. I hope you are challenged, enlightened and blessed by watching this…

You can Purchase this book on Amazon.

JUSTIN & TRISHA DAVIS KNOW ALL TOO WELL the dangers of settling for an ordinary marriage. Their own failure to recognize the warning signs almost resulted in the end of their marriage, their family, and their ministry.

The Davises are bloggers and teachers who make their home in Nashville, TN with their three boys.

Guess what I’ve recently discovered? That I’ve been, for years, trying to fit into a mold that is not me.

Hm.

So much so that I have beat myself up, over and over, for not accomplishing specific things in specific ways. I have been setting myself up for failure instead of success.

The biggest way I have done this is in planning and goal setting. What I recognized is that I’ve adopted the popular model of “This is the only way to get it done if you’re serious about accomplishment.” Well, come to find out…there is more than one way to accomplish tasks. But I had burdened myself by forcing my square weaknesses into others peg strengths. It just wasn’t a fit. All the while I was losing sight of how I best function.

I am just as serious about plans and goals as the next person. I just figured out how to best approach them…for me. It may not be how you or the next person does it and that is perfectly okay.

One body. Many Parts. We all have our strengths and they all work together for the greater good. But when we, as individuals, are not exercising what we are strong at and skilled in, and wired to do, then we are robbing ourselves and the people around us.

For example…I’ve gone from exclusively using Google Calendar to, in addition, using an actual wall calendar that I write on. With my hand. Holding a pen. It’s remarkable really. I still put all events and personal plans in my Google Calendar that is shared with my husband. Then, at the start of each new week I fill in my wall calendar with the events for the next seven days. I will also add any personal plans I may want to accomplish. This way, my husband is still aware of my schedule, via Google Calendar,  and I can see it daily and in front of me, keeping me on task…7 days at a time. I work best with short plans. I have also replaced the word goal with plan-my brain likes it best that way. The long term plans still exist and are a part of my reality and I revisit them regularly to remain inspired and aware. I know they are there. They’re not going anywhere. But the 7 days in front of me is what presently needs my attention and focus. And by tending to the present I am better equipping myself to fulfill my long-term plans. Nothing is being neglected.

So if you are not a Monthly Meal Planner that only shops 1 Friday a month…that’s okay! No one will think less of you. Tap into how you are wired and exercise that strength and your family still is gonna get fed.

If you forget that your phone alerted you of an appointment and you frequently run late – then come up with another way that fits who you are that will help to better keep you on task.

Be honest with yourself. Be creative. Experiment with different approaches.

Give yourself grace. You don’t have to be like the masses. You are only required to be you. You can still be a responsible and accomplished person working in the skill-sets of your strengths.

Are you working within your strengths or someone else’s?
Do you have any tips to share?

Voices, voices, all around me.
Some high, some low.
Full of passion, opinions, ideas, wisdom, laughter, concern, prayer.
All together, words flowing a hundred miles an hour carried through the air and within the walls of family.
United we grow.
Leaving legacies.
Carrying on legacies.
Creating new legacies.
Generation to generation we gather.
More ideas, more passions, more wisdom, more laughter.
More voices.

Use your voice today. It matters.

Few things invade my heart’s chambers more than seeing a room full of teenagers gathered for one purpose…God.

I didn’t grow up in that kind of environment, so to see it is a blessing beyond measure. And to see it with my own children involved is simply priceless.

Cross Point has an incredible youth program going on. I’ve never been in a room with 400+ teens on purpose. Ever. But dang…I could do this every night!

[And that is my girl singing and my boy drumming. A tad bit proud, I am.]

IMG 3854 from Brent Hodge on Vimeo.

What comes to your mind when you hear in captivity or held captive?

My guess is most of us think of a prisoner or felon…being held within bounds.

While I do not live a life behind bars, trapped in a cell, or under 24 hour supervision of the guards I must admit that there are still parts of my life that are in captivity.

Here I am, almost 42 years old, and I still struggle with being me.

And that’s so frustrating cuz I have said so many times that I like the Tam that I’ve become. All of my years, moments, highs and lows have helped to craft the Me I am today.

So what holds me/us back from being ourselves?

There is no one else like me. There is no one else like you. Is “Me” good enough for us these days?

I do believe that comparison is a killer. And today it is very difficult not to compare with others. Especially with social-media and people posting the best pics and over-elaborating the highs. We all do it. We want what the others seem to have all while disregarding what we already possess.

We get so inundated with the images and updates of so many others that our self-view may be getting blurred. So, I need to spend some time with me. I need to let me remind myself of who I am, Whose I am, what I have, what I am capable of, what my gifts and strengths are and what I have to offer that only I can.

Do you need to do the same?

Sometimes you just have to be a little nutty. Lighten up. Loosen up. Laugh it up.

It’s good for the soul.

Maybe we should make a Nutty Collage. Like, take a nutty, silly, photo of yourself, alone or with others, send it to me and I can put them all in one crazy community post. Yah?

Total silence. Sitting in our 3rd home in 14 months. Kids just took off to serve with the youth at church. Brent is at meetings. I’m sitting in this new town, in a new living room, with total silence.

I try to arrange some sort of focused thought. Any topic, I don’t care much, just a thought. And, nothing.

I get frustrated. I start coming down on myself. Tam, where are your passions? What happened to them? Where is your creativity? What happened to it? Where is your sense of adventure? Where did it go?

Calm down. It’s all there. Somewhere.

I realize I need to cut myself some slack. We’ve been on quite the journey lately. I barely even know my left from my right these days.

So, I’m going to give myself permission to just sit for a minute. To not feel I have to think about anything specific or world changing…just for a minute.

It’s ok.

I am going to sit here in the quiet and lean my ear into the breath of God. I know it is from Him that my mind and thoughts need to be re-filled again.

When is the last time you’ve given yourself permission to just…be?

Be still and know that He is God…