The Writing Struggle

Posted on January 24, 2012 by tam

Today I wrote another chapter for my book. And I must say…it gave me a heart work-out.

I totally get why people conceal injustices.

While revisiting some very painful moments from my childhood I struggled writing them down – for so many reasons. Not so much that it was hard for me, personally. I don’t relive the memories anymore like I used to. In fact, during recall, I actually feel as if I’m hovering over the past moment, watching it unfold as a total outsider. I feel physically detached yet there is still a connect. It’s hard to explain, really. Perhaps one of you can identify and articulate this better.

But what I struggle with the most is wanting to protect the people who were around me and “involved” at that time.

I struggle with the thought that while I do not have to endure all those abuses anymore, there are countless of children who are suffering this very second. Children who are being beaten and molested and threatened. They are frightened and alone. Even in a sea of people…they are alone and terrified. I hate that. More than I can describe.

I struggle with how much to share. I know I have literary freedom. But I also love and respect my family. I want to protect them.

This process is harder than I imagined it would be. Yet, it is one of the most necessary things I have ever done…for me, my family and, hopefully, for those who will someday read it.

I’m praying that as God walks me through this process that He will have me write exactly what is necessary and beneficial for His sake, His children’s sake and His glory.

Please pray with me…

[Following is an excerpt from todays chapter]

The secrets continued on. The sexual abuse, the physical abuse.

“Tam, how come you’re using a pillow on your chair at the dinner table?”

Danny glares at me with his sparkling eyes from across the table.

“Oh, um, I fell off my bike on the way home from school today.”

No. Not really. I had just been beaten with Danny’s belt-buckle while bent over this very chair, naked, for a half-hour straight for forgetting to wash a drinking glass this morning. But if I tell you that, mama, he’ll kill you. That’s what he told me. And I don’t want you to die. So I will lie to you. I will keep this secret.

Oh That “One Word” Thing

Posted on April 26, 2011 by tam

My One Word this year is “Clarity”.

And friends, we need it right now. Our family is in the midst of some sort of transition. We know it’s coming in some way, shape or form…we’re just in that limbo stage. Hoping everyone in the process makes the right decision. Cuz, well, that’s important.

So if you would so kindly pray for our family this week, we would deeply appreciate it.

We’ll be out of town for a bit but I’ll be checking in here often. I would love for you all to share your prayer requests as well and would be thrilled to pray along with you.

Love you all!

Confessions: The truth. The doubt.

Posted on March 23, 2011 by tam

I am not one to get down on myself. I generally am a very positive person. While I tend to be very analytical, and I have found that over-analyzers can be pessimists…I still manage to stay fairly optimistic about life.

Except when it comes to personal things. Oh, like…finishing up this book.

It’s not that I don’t believe I can finish it. I am working on it now. I am seaming the chapters together and gearing up to write a final one. So the writing isn’t really the problem. It’s the…will it be good enough thought that keeps creeping into my head that is becoming its very own thorn in my side. And back-side!

Let me assure you, I am not looking for pats on the back or a bunch of you can do its. I know you all believe in me. You’ve been some of my biggest encouragement and support. So please, don’t feel the need to have to go there

I just want to be completely honest throughout this whole process. And, this is where I am at at present.

So, if you could pray specifically over this, that would be fabulous.

I know God has equipped me with everything I need to complete this journey. Of that I have no doubt. It’s just when my eyes get too focused on myself, that I begin to doubt.

What are areas in your life you struggle with doubt, yet, you know better?

Abortion…A Man’s Perspective

Posted on February 9, 2011 by tam

One thing I don’t talk much about when I discuss abortions is men. Not because they aren’t half involved, obviously, but because they’re typically out of the picture by the time an abortion is under way. That, or they are supportive of ending the pregnancy.

But very rarely do you hear the plight of a man begging the mother of his unborn child not to go through with an abortion. Listen, I am not judging. I’m just calling it from experience.

My boyfriend accompanied my first abortion then left quickly to go surfing afterwards. The second abortion, he didn’t even go with me. I’m not trying to paint him in a bad light. Heck, I was the one on the abortion tables. But I do believe this to be a typical picture of the two sides.

I have a friend who speaks from the other side. A man who has chosen to get in the trenches and raise awareness. His thoughts on men and their role in abortions…

What I understand is this: Men have stood by apathetically on this issue because we have been told we are not part of the issue. That this is a woman’s issue not ours. We are told that we have no place in this choice, and no reason to even talk about it. That is a position I disagree with completely. The man’s role in Abortion is exactly what I plan to address from my point of view at least. There has never been a time in my life where I would say I supported abortion and I am positive it would never be an option I condone. But I can also say I never got close enough to it to understand and see both sides. I had never gotten dirty in the trenches, and learned the lessons. Lessons I could work with and through beyond the mission field. I had not seen the faces and emotions involved. I had not seen and experienced the spiritual battle raging…I had stood by apathetically assuming I knew better and that was ok. I never knew that my apathy left me inactive in God’s Kingdom work.

I’m not a fan of protestors. Brent and I would rather stand for something than against something. It just seems more positive and effective. I am not a fan of angry believers insulting and yelling at women outside of abortion clinics either. Ridiculous. But, I can get behind believers praying over them. Encouraging them. Weeping with them. Loving on them. And that is exactly what my friend, Carl, did last year…

A man…standing up for life, in love, and rallying other men to do the same.

If you are a man reading this right now, I encourage you to read Carl’s posts about his experience as he rallied other men to see the severity of this issue. Journey with him as he witnessed, for the first time, the anguish on the faces of these young women about to make the biggest decision of their lives.

A Prayer For Life Mission

I’m not here…

Posted on February 6, 2011 by tam

Two days ago I saw on Twitter a request to pray and fast for Kate McRae. I have been following the McRae family since the moment Kates brain cancer went public. This little angel has battled fiercely against this brutal disease and seemingly was on top of it. Until…this last week when a scan showed more spots on her brain.

A crushing blow.

I believe in a God who heals. I believe He can heal Kate right now. I am asking Him to. But I simply don’t know if He will. But I’m gonna ask anyway. All day today. Like a child who wants something so desperately from their parent that they just will not let up on them…I will not let up in asking for healing in Kate’s body.

In order to focus on doing so – I am fasting from social media today.

It is my biggest distraction. The hardest thing to cut out. So much so…admittedly, and this is the ugly truth, I considered not fasting at all. But this is the one thing I knew I’d have to cut in order to effectively, honestly, fast.

If you are willing, would you please consider taking some time today to join the many in prayer for Kate McRae? I am not asking you to fast. That is between you and the Lord…but do please pray.

I will see you all this time tomorrow night…

God’s there, listening…

Posted on January 16, 2011 by tam

Puttin it out there…

I just don’t feel well. Some of you may know that I have Lupus. I despise this disease. It is nothing less than cruel. It affects many people in different ways. I feel the effects of it daily. But most days, I feel “fine”. My fine, however, might be the average persons “calling in to use a sick day” fine.

By all appearances, one might never guess I live with Lupus. Other than a couple swollen fingers, I look okay.

But inside…not so much. I feel it. And this week, I’ve felt it a lot. I can tell it’s messing with my lungs this week. I can feel the tightness and pain in the center of my chest. My joints are screaming obscenities at me. And, I may be screaming them back Alright…I am =D

I’ve done some research today on this ridiculous disease and have decided to cut out some things in my diet. Foods I enjoy, but my body may not.

Dairy. Red meat. Nightshade vegetables such as tomatoes, potatoes, peppers.

I’m gonna start there.

I realize supplements will be vital. Brent and I will be making a trip to the health store this week to see what we can get. The site I linked to has some suggestions.

I share this with you not for pity. I don’t want pity. I would love your prayers, tho! Also, I would love your accountability. Ask me about my diet. I also need to get back to the gym, reduce my stress. Ask me about those things as well when/if it comes to mind.

And lastly, but more importantly, please pray Joanne Heim. I’m sure most of you have been reading about her story. A young woman, late 30′s, went for a jog last week and suffered a massive stroke. She is in very critical condition. There is a widget for her to the left of this post.

Now, I would love, as well as be honored, to know how I can be praying for you this week. Please share in the comments. And I trust that this community will join in prayer on your behalf. If you feel you can not share it publicly, please email me…

tinprogress@gmail.com

“God’s there, listening to all who pray, for all who pray and mean it. He does what’s best for those who fear him – hears them call out, and saves them.” Psalms 146: 18&19 The Message

prayer. not to be underestimated.

Posted on November 16, 2010 by tam

Monday night was a night full of emotions. I posted a tweet for prayer for my family…specifically my baby sister and mother.

One by one my brothers and sisters in Christ began answering the call. Nearly 100 strangers to my family began praying. And many of them committed to continue praying.

I was so struck by this. None of them know my mom or sister. And many don’t “know” me.

But that didn’t matter. Only one thing mattered at that moment…People. And when you are a child of God and you learn of hurt, tragedy or concern for others…you respond.

It is Christs love within us that compels us to reach out to others. In any way we can.

Love God. Love People.

These prayer warriors, interceding on behalf of my family, are demonstrating the ultimate act of love. They are an extension of Gods love…of God. And my prayer is that my family feels this.

My baby sister, who is in recovery, went missing. She eventually was found. This is an answer to prayer. And I am so very grateful.

I think we underestimate prayers power. I know I do.

But you warriors…You reminded me that prayer can accomplish many things. For the giver and receiver.

Thank you for that. Thank you for loving others and giving of your self and time.

Now…how can I pray for you?! Please allow me the honor.

A Blooper Reel

Posted on November 7, 2010 by tam

As a part of No Negative November…and if you all are tired of this then, boo-on-ya!… I am sharing a video that Pastor T, aka Toby at What’s This Life For. It is a bloopers reel from the 5 ladies who contributed to Ladies Week on his blog last week.

And, like a turd, I forgot to post about that.

So, here’s the deal…Toby highlighted 5 women last week on his blog to share, via video, about their story. It was a heavy week, yet, it was overflowing with hope and beauty. Below are the links to each ladies story. If you are dealing with any of these topics, or know someone who is, please watch and pass it along. You’ll find hope there.

Jenni Clayville – Infidelity

Nicole Wick – Addiction

Alece Ronzino – Affair

Mandy Thompson – Infertility

Me – Abortion

oh yes it’s ladies night! well, “week”

Posted on October 31, 2010 by tam

i love redemption. i love grace. i love hope…hopeful expectations. i love faith lived out.

i love seeing one’s bitter journey turn into sweet deliverance.

this week, starting today, you can watch with me the stories of 5 different ladies who’ve traveled 5 different dirty and dusty roads straight into the comforting and merciful hands of God.

toby, aka “Pastor T”, asked jenni clayville, nicole wick, alece, miss mandy pants thompson and myself to share our stories for ladies week. each day one of us will be featured, via video, candidly sharing about infidelity, infertility, the “other woman”, abortions and addictions.

if you have struggled, or are currently struggling, with any of these – or know someone who is/has – please mark your calendars this week so you do not miss these videos.

you can watch them all HERE, at toby’s place. first up is jenni!

the post that makes me sound old.

Posted on September 26, 2010 by tam

i typically don’t ask for prayer. i’ve no good reason for that either. i, myself, know that my prayers for you are the best things i can possibly offer.

so…i’d like to ask for your prayer.

i’m hoping this is a big fat nothing to worry about thing, but i’ll put it out there anyway.

two weeks ago i started getting a numbing/tingling feeling on the left side of my face. it came and went at random. after a couple days it began spreading to other areas of my face. then to my mouth, to my ears, my arms. and, sometimes, my legs…mostly my left.

ohdang, i sound old.

anyhoo…there’s tingling, there’s the feeling like when you’re coming out of anesthesia from the dentist, there’s the feeling in my arms and leg that they’re just coming out of falling asleep. you know that very last part when your arm wakes up, it feels weak and in a weird way almost tickles with movement? yah…that.

there’s been no pain whatsoever. just…there and a nuisance.

here’s the thing. i’m hoping it’s something as simple as a pinched nerve/s. this started after we returned from our two week vacation where we spent lots of time sitting and driving. lots. and…this has happened one other time before, although it didn’t last as long, when i returned from a 2 week trip to nashville and los angeles. again, lots of sitting.

i’ve made the mistake of googling this one or 38 times. although most sites talk about pinched nerves the few that mention things like, oh…MS, are the ones that have my heart racing a bit.

i have a dr appt monday at 3:45. i will most definitely keep you all posted.

thank you ahead of time for your prayers. it means the world.

now…how can i, and this community, pray for you? please share!

inprogress

…until I am done

Category Archives: Prayer