Archive for Marriage

| August 18, 2011
14 comments

20 Years Today

Brent and I have been married 20 years today.

People, that is half of our lives we’ve been together. Wow!

I can’t even begin to imagine any of my life without him. In fact, it’s hard to remember what life was like before we met. It’s as if Brent has always been a part of me.

I rise in the morning because God allows me to. I count my blessings in the morning because God has lavished me. I smile in the morning because the first person I get to see is Brent.

Now, we are not perfect people with a perfect marriage. Somedays are a breeze to get through. Some are a challenge. Some days can’t end soon enough. While others end to soon. And it is each of those moments that make us stronger. We allow them to, we want them to.

Having grown up seeing so many dysfunctional relationships I decided long ago that I would fight to the death to have a strong and healthy marriage example for my children. And I am so grateful I get to live that out with Brent.

Brent, thank you for being my safe place and dream come true. Thank you for being such a wonderful example of a husband to our son and daughter. Thank you for loving me.

I love you so much!

Category: Anniversary, Family, God, Life, Love, Marriage, thankfulness |
| July 12, 2011
19 comments

My Then. My now.

Our move across the country is layered with so many different memories and emotions. This is one part of that…

2011. I now live in Nashville, TN.

1990. I lived in Knoxville, TN.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the difference 20+ years can make.

The last time I lived in this state I was married to an abusive husband who held a sawed off rifle to me threatening to take my life only to end by taking his own.

Twenty-one years later I am back, living, in the same state. [but a completely different state of mind]

1990 = Frightened young little girl running for her life. Trying to find life and its meaning.

2011 = A grown up little girl embracing the gift of life…And meaning to live.

What a difference Mercy and Grace makes.

My Story Here

What’s your story?


Category: Grace, Life, Living, Marriage, Mercy, Testimony, thankfulness |
| April 5, 2011
38 comments

This may be a dumb idea…

This August, Brent and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. In this day and age, that’s a long time to be married.

We have had a pretty smooth marriage. It hasn’t been perfect. We’ve definitely had our struggles. But, for the most part, we’ve done well.

I was thinking that I could write a bit about why I believe we’ve been successful so far. But then I thought…I don’t want it to be one-sided.

Which brings me to this question/idea. And I know it might be stupid or presumptuous, but I’m puttin out there anyway…

Would a video from Brent and me of marriage chatter, prompted by questions from you, be something that might be fun?

You can ask any questions you want, respectfully, of course, and we’d do our best to answer them for you.

Look, I’m not saying we have it all figured out. And we certainly aren’t a perfect couple. But we’ve lasted. We love each other more today than ever. I still get excited when I know he’s on his way home. After THIS LONG.

;)

So, what d’ya think??

I won’t feel bad if you shoot it down. Really.

But if you do…you better give me another blog idea!

Category: Community, Marriage |
| March 28, 2011
115 comments

1 in 4

New study finds that 1 in 4 teenage girls have a sexually transmitted disease.

When I first read that I thought…

Phew…at least I never got one of those.

As if two abortions is somehow better and less embarrassing.

But 1 in 4 teenage girls. Wow.

When Kass was in High School there were 1,200 students enrolled. Say half of those are girls. That would mean 150 of those girls, statistically, have a sexually transmitted disease. And I wonder, how many more of them will end up pregnant. How many of them will wind up having an abortion.

When I was in High School they taught about abstinence. They taught about safe sex and had condom vending machines in all of the bathrooms. But…I remember our health teacher telling my class that it was impossible to expect us not to have sex. This is the same class that hosted a faux Spring wedding. My boyfriend and I were the couple the class chose for this project. We had to arrange our wedding ceremony, complete with dress, tux, wedding party, rings and reception, to be held at lunch hour on a friday afternoon during school.

I remember my mother being so upset at this. I didn’t understand her anger. But she was furious! She said it encouraged unhealthy relationships. It gave a false sense of being adults.

I was mad at her and her unwillingness to understand.

Well, wouldn’t you know it…the boyfriend I fake married at school…was the the same one I ended up having two abortions with.

Mom, you were right.

Question: As parents, what can/should we do to educate our kids on sex and all that it involves?

Do you agree with my high school health teacher that it is impossible to keep teens from having sex?

Category: Abortions, accountability, lessons, Life, Living, Love, Marriage, Memories, opinion, parenting, perspective, Sex, Youth |
| February 14, 2011
18 comments

Marriage: Success or Failure

I don’t spend much time on this blog writing about my opinions on big issues. I write about things in life I have experienced…

Motherhood, marriage, fear, love, failure, abortions, abuse, happiness, grace, redemption.

I can share my perspective on those subjects. But I can not share anything on divorce. I’ve not been through one. Although I have a handful, plus, of people in my life at this moment who have been divorced, or are in the midst of one. I have seen the pain and anguish it can cause. I have also witnessed the freedom it has offered to a once abused spouse.

Divorce is a sticky subject.

A friend of mine recently shared a bit of her experience with divorce and said these words…

divorce is no more a sign of relationship failure than marriage is of relationship success.

Read that again.

Think about that for a second…

When I read that, I didn’t focus on the divorce half of the statement…cuz, again, I have not been through one. However, I did hone in to the last half of her words.

While a handful of my friends are divorced that doesn’t mean the several handfuls of friends who are not divorced have successful marriages. In fact, I know some of them don’t. And I’m guessing that, regardless of the appearance of blissful success, some of the others might just be one conversation away from the D-Word. Who knows.

So, if you are married, how do you measure success in your marriage?

How would you define a successful marriage?

If you are divorced, has your experience changed your view on marriage? Were there warning signs, that you can see now, you’re willing to share?

Category: Abortions, abuse, Divorce, Freedom, Grace, Life, Love, Marriage, opinion, perspective, Relationships |
| December 16, 2010
10 comments

it’s a common courtesy

Brent and I have very few rules in our marriage. We have “common courtesy expectations”.

One being…no lunch or coffee dates with the opposite sex.

It’s a respect thing. It’s an accountability thing.

It’s not that we don’t trust one another. But we also do not want to foster environments that might have potential for mistakes or temptation.

Also, being in ministry, we have found that even the most well intentioned people can get the wrong impression and start the gossip train. Then…Brent’s position is compromised. And that’s just not worth it.

I am friends with my ex-boyfriend on Facebook (the one I had the abortions with). The other morning I woke up after having a very disturbing dream about my ex and I couldn’t shake it. I felt something was seriously wrong with him. I shared it with Brent and he suggested I send him a message.

We trust each other.

We also respect each other enough to let the other in. We’ve had to share some very hard things with one other. Moments in our lives, bad choices we’ve made, that have put us on a journey of accountability and to a stronger trust.

These simple “common courtesy expectations” allow our marriage to exhale. I feel safe with Brent. He feels safe with me.

Letting each other in is worth it.

What are some things you have in place in your marriage, or witnessed in your parents’ marriage, that have protected your/their relationship?

Category: accountability, affairs, Confessions, convictions, Family, Husbands, Information, Life, Love, Marriage, men, Ministry, perspective, Relationships, trust, wives, Women |
| December 6, 2010
4 comments

a blast from the past

Sunday night the kids and I went through our vimeo account and watched a ton of videos. It was so much fun. We laughed. A lot.

Kota’s voice has changed so much! Kass used to have long blonde hair. I had totally forgotten about that.

Boy…time goes by fast. Remember when you were a kid and all the adults would always tell you how fast time went by? And you’d think, “Whatever. Time can’t go by fast enough for me!”

sigh.

While the kids have changed faster than I can keep up with…Brent…has not.

Here is an outtake video from 2 years ago.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for anything this man does. I am contactually obligated to laugh at with him.

Category: Childhood, embarrassing, Entertainment, Family, Humor, Husbands, Kids, Life, Marriage, Memories, men, video |
| November 7, 2010
4 comments

A Blooper Reel

As a part of No Negative November…and if you all are tired of this then, boo-on-ya!… I am sharing a video that Pastor T, aka Toby at What’s This Life For. It is a bloopers reel from the 5 ladies who contributed to Ladies Week on his blog last week.

And, like a turd, I forgot to post about that.

So, here’s the deal…Toby highlighted 5 women last week on his blog to share, via video, about their story. It was a heavy week, yet, it was overflowing with hope and beauty. Below are the links to each ladies story. If you are dealing with any of these topics, or know someone who is, please watch and pass it along. You’ll find hope there.

Jenni Clayville – Infidelity

Nicole Wick – Addiction

Alece Ronzino – Affair

Mandy Thompson – Infertility

Me – Abortion

Category: Abortions, accountability, addictions, affairs, Authenticity, Confessions, convictions, Faith, Family, Freedom, Friendships, Fun, Funny, God, Grace, humility, Humor, Husbands, insecurities, inspiration, interview, jesus, Joy, judgment, Kids, Laughter, lessons, Life, Living, Love, Marriage, Memories, men, No Negative November, Obedience, opinion, perspective, Prayer, Questions, Relationships, selfishness, Sex, sin, Testimony, trust, Truth, video, wisdom, wives, Women, Youth |
| October 31, 2010
3 comments

oh yes it’s ladies night! well, “week”

i love redemption. i love grace. i love hope…hopeful expectations. i love faith lived out.

i love seeing one’s bitter journey turn into sweet deliverance.

this week, starting today, you can watch with me the stories of 5 different ladies who’ve traveled 5 different dirty and dusty roads straight into the comforting and merciful hands of God.

toby, aka “Pastor T”, asked jenni clayville, nicole wick, alece, miss mandy pants thompson and myself to share our stories for ladies week. each day one of us will be featured, via video, candidly sharing about infidelity, infertility, the “other woman”, abortions and addictions.

if you have struggled, or are currently struggling, with any of these – or know someone who is/has – please mark your calendars this week so you do not miss these videos.

you can watch them all HERE, at toby’s place. first up is jenni!

Category: Abortions, addictions, affairs, Authenticity, Church, Communication, community confessions, Confessions, convictions, courage, Faith, Family, fear, Freedom, God, Grace, happiness, Health, humility, insecurities, inspiration, interview, Joy, lessons, Life, Living, Love, Marriage, Ministry, Obedience, opinion, perspective, Prayer, Pride, Relationships, selfishness, Sex, sin, Spiritual, Testimony, thankfulness, trust, Truth, video, wisdom, wives, Women |
| September 21, 2010
17 comments

truth wins out

i have asked this before here…but i’m gonna ask it again.

is there ever a time where truth should not be told?

i ask because my friend sarah markley wrote a beautiful, honest and revealing post about the day she will have to tell her daughters the truth about her affair.

some of the comments surprised me.

i, personally, think that truth always wins out.

a few years ago kota asked me, randomly, if i have ever been married before.

cue lump in throat.

i told him, no. i told a lie. i lied.

i lied to my son.

perhaps that wasn’t the time to tell him. i don’t know. but my past and all it’s uglies in that current “withholding” state was tearing my insides up. i was in a perpetual state of egg-shell walking whenever my kids were with me in groups of friends who, almost always, would ask how my book was coming along. i’ d have to quickly divert the question or give them half answers because i hadn’t been upfront with my children yet.

that was an exhausting time for me.

since sharing the ugly truth about my past the air is clearer, lighter. the conversations are sweeter and deeper. the gazes from my son are covered with admiration. the bond with my daughter is stronger.

in my book…truth always wins out.

however, delivery can be a deal breaker. yes, timing is important. the environment is key. but ones delivery can potentially wipe out the beauty of a truth. so there’s always that element to keep in mind.

at times, even with the best of deliveries, the truth may still hurt… but if it’s truth, then it’s always beneficial.

there is freedom in truth. this, i know.

Category: Abortions, accountability, affairs, Authenticity, Communication, Confessions, convictions, courage, Family, Kids, Life, Marriage, opinion, parenting, perspective, Truth |
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