Category Archives: Family

Why I Got Inked

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I never thought that in my father-in-laws lifetime I would ever get a tattoo. Well, it just so happened that I did get inked…while my mother and father in-law were visiting/staying with us last month.

After I told my FIL the “why” behind it…he couldn’t say no.

Here’s the back story.

Our household knew Sara (Gitzengirl) was nearing her end on earth. It had been a very heavy and emotional couple of weeks. One evening Alece and I were up in her room sobbing and sharing stories about our Gitz. My husband, Brent, walked in, consoled us and prayed over us. During his prayer I looked down at my right arm and saw the words, “Choose Joy” on it.

I’d wanted a tattoo for years, but I didn’t know exactly what to get. But this night, I knew that I knew that I knew I was to get Sara’s words put there on my arm as a constant reminder of everything she stood for. That in any, and every, circumstance there is joy to be found – so choose it.

My heart filled with a peace. Knowing that in a small way Sara would always be with me.

Brent finished praying, we all stood up and hugged. And ugly-cried. Through pouring tears I told Brent the vision I had and asked his permission to get Choose Joy tattooed on my arm. He immediately responded with, “Of course!”

Alece was standing there and asked if I’d mind if she joined me.

And it wasn’t long before other people started joining in, too.

I can’t help to think what Sara might have felt about all of this. She’d hate the attention, I know that!

This last Tuesday, as I saw Sara in her casket, she wore a shirt she had made for that occasion…it read “It’s Not About Me.”

This tattoo – is not about me. Ironically…it is about Sara. But even more than that, it is about taking an opportunity to share with those who ask what “Choose Joy“ means. It’s an opportunity to share faith, hope, persistence, strength, perspective and JOY. Attributes that, with God through her, Sara showed us.

So, this tattoo…it’s about others. And that is exactly how Sara would’ve wanted it.

 

What Are You Waiting For?

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I’m just gonna get right to the meat of this post…

I’ve been a part of many funerals and memorial services in my lifetime. And the one statement I have heard over and over is…

I wish I would’ve had the chance to tell them…

May I please point out the obvious here?

As long as we still have breath – we still have the chance.

What are you waiting for…

Tell them.

I’m Coming Back.

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Being back in Oregon for a short visit has been amazing in ways I didn’t expect.

First off…upon flying into the Valley I realized that this isn’t home any longer. Yet, this is where my history and long-time heart connections are. Whereas in Nashville…it already is home to me. And the long-time heart connections will come eventually. But, Oregon simply isn’t home anymore. And that’s ok.

We are exactly where we are suppose to be in Nashville. It is very evident as I see my husband and children flourish and spread their wings there. My heart is “fixin” to burst over that :)

My last year in Oregon was very tough. I had shared with Brent several times that with each passing day there I felt a small piece of me die. I lost my desire for creativity. I struggled to find energy. My ambition and drive dwindled minute by minute.

When we learned we were moving to Nashville in June I just knew I would come to life again. Nashville breeds creatives. Its pulse of creativity is felt everywhere you go.

We arrive in Nashville and I am anxious to build a routine and waken my slumbered brain only to end up in the ER within 2 weeks. Major surgery 2 weeks after that. Recovery. And, lastly, an unplanned not-so-pleasant dental visit.

Then, I’m off to Oregon for a 10 day visit and back in the place where I once felt 6 feet under only to find that this trip has brought me back to life again.

Strange, isn’t it?

And honestly, I can’t even explain why this is. It just is.

It has left me so excited to start living again. I can’t get home soon enough. I feel like Tam is coming back. New and improved.

When I return I’m just gonna dig in and go for it. Whatever that means – whatever that looks like.

Action.

I am not only coming back to Nashville on saturday…I am really coming back. All of me.

Thanks Oregon!

I am bitter and selfish.

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I love the book of James. I’ve written here before that I respect straight-shooters. James and I would’ve been friends. I probably would have hated to love him. But, I’d rather you not mince words with me. Just tell me, flat-out, how it is.

Below is one of my favorite passages in James.

But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. – James 3:14-16

Kind of a weird favorite, eh? It certainly isn’t full of poofy clouds, rainbows and feel good warm fuzzies. Perhaps that’s what I like about it. Right to the point. No sugar coating found.

I decided to dissect it a little tonight. It seems fairly obvious what James is talking about here, and in its context, to whom he is speaking. But there is so much in here for all of us. And it personally convicts me…a lot.

But if you have bitter jealousy…

The adjective pikros (“bitter”) describes a harsh stance of demanding to be recognized as wise, instead of being willing to learn. [Bible Gateway Commentary]

Dangitalltoheck! That’s me. Sometimes…I just wanta skip the elbow grease-dig in-discovery-learning process and stand in the spotlight posed as a smarty-godly-pants just cuz I may know a little something about a big something that requires, and deserves, much more reverence and respect. And why do I want that? Cuz I see others, who’ve been willing to learn, in the spotlight and I want that too.

All that and it’s only the 5th word in into that passage!

But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts…

The second noun, eritheia (“selfish ambition”), exposes the sinful desire for personal glory–wanting the status of a teacher so that others will have to learn from me. [Bible Gateway Commentary]

Ouch. But admit it…we all want personal glory. I know I do. Now, this verse is speaking to teachers in the church. And I have seen much of this in todays church. But I see just as much of it in every day life of others as well. Someone with a platform suddenly becomes the poster christian who knows everything and is adored by thousands. And much of that turns in to personal glorification. We know it’s true.

Self-glorification: a feeling or expression of one’s own superiority.

This is dangerous ground to be standing on. And there is no room for it in the church. But lets be honest…it’s all over the church, isn’t it?

How our prideful hearts must grieve God.

Just reading into these verses deeper tonight I have to say sorry to the Lord for ridiculously trying to take His place. For arrogantly attempting to steal His glory. All because of my own insecurities…my own pride and selfishness.

James…you kicked my booty tonight. Thank you. Lord, you revealed many uglies in my heart. It isn’t fun and I kinda wanta delete this post. But, I won’t. Ima suck it up and own it.

Call me out friends. And if you permit me, I will lovingly call you out if I see this selfish-ambition in you. We are a community. A family.

It’s what family does.

Anything else you can unpack from this passage?

 

 

 

20 Years Today

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Brent and I have been married 20 years today.

People, that is half of our lives we’ve been together. Wow!

I can’t even begin to imagine any of my life without him. In fact, it’s hard to remember what life was like before we met. It’s as if Brent has always been a part of me.

I rise in the morning because God allows me to. I count my blessings in the morning because God has lavished me. I smile in the morning because the first person I get to see is Brent.

Now, we are not perfect people with a perfect marriage. Somedays are a breeze to get through. Some are a challenge. Some days can’t end soon enough. While others end to soon. And it is each of those moments that make us stronger. We allow them to, we want them to.

Having grown up seeing so many dysfunctional relationships I decided long ago that I would fight to the death to have a strong and healthy marriage example for my children. And I am so grateful I get to live that out with Brent.

Brent, thank you for being my safe place and dream come true. Thank you for being such a wonderful example of a husband to our son and daughter. Thank you for loving me.

I love you so much!

Foreigner At Home

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I love being in Nashville. I love calling it home. I love this community and our Church. I love walking the streets of downtown. I love eating lunch with the kids on the water across from LP Field. I love discovering new hang-outs with my husband.

But there is a part of me that feels so lost.

I realize it more and more when we’re with groups of people. Interacting with others. Meeting new friends.

We’ve no history here. Nothing established. No routines.

And while we know a lot of local people from twitter and blogging, we don’t really know them. That is going to take time.

It’s such a conflict to feel like you fit in but have no idea where that specific fit is yet. Does that even make sense?

So many new discoveries. There is little that is similar to the life we left.

The places we go. Where we grocery shop. How we shop. Getting used to seeing different brand names. That’s still throwing me off. It’s kind of like I’m a foreigner in my own home. And, honestly, that part makes me laugh. I enjoy the newness. I like change. And, at the moment, there’s a whole lot of it =)

Don’t get me wrong…there isn’t one part of me that is sad, complaining or being pessimistic. Not at all. I’d expect that this would be part of the transition. I just didn’t think about it in the beginning of this journey.

And so each day my feet hit the floor with purpose…Discovering the new – and discovering me.

Any big changes in your life recently? Or changes to come? How have you faced it or how do you plan to?

 

A Few Of My Favorite Things: Picture Edition

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Family. Family time. Any way I can get it.


 

New Life. And Lincoln.

 

 

Music. My kids’ music. Live music. Love. It.

 

 

Laughter. Can’t live without it.

 

 

Quiet moments. And Starbucks.

 

 

What are some of your favorite things?

What I Learned Our First Sunday At Cross Point

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Sunday, Father’s Day, was Brent’s first official day as Campus Pastor at Cross Points North Campus in Goodlettsville, TN.

This was not the first time we’ve been to Cross Point. (I will go more in to how we got to Nashville in the first place some other time) When we rolled into town on Monday, the 13th, we were greeted by a few handfuls of people from the North Campus Community. They met us with pizza, gifts, essentials and more. And within an hour, they had our entire moving truck unloaded with boxes appropriately placed in our home. It was spectacular!

And while the gifts and thoughtfulness were very much appreciated we were even more grateful, and taken aback, by the selfless servanthood each person displayed. From elementary school age on up. They were truly glad to be there, pitching in…for people they didn’t even know.

Sunday, our first official day at CP – there was more of the same. I witnessed countless people serving, volunteering and jumping in to help on the fly.

And the reception we were given, welcoming our family to the North Campus, was nothing short of beautiful. Each and every person who made their way, went out of their way, to meet or greet us, was genuine and without pretense. We felt that. We knew they were all sincere.

Community displayed.

Community that has been modeled by leaders that selflessly serve as well.

And walking away from this day I learned a couple Essentials of Community.

Be authentic.

Love people.

Be intentional wherever you are.

These are the three attributes…authenticity, love and intentionality, I saw weaved in, and throughout, every person, in each new friend, that touched our lives this week.

And it will be an honor to serve alongside them. To learn from them all.

Cross Point, thank you for having us. We love you!

 

 

 

Oregon to Tennessee Update

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Thank you! Y’all gave us some great moving tips. I so appreciate all of them. And I especially connected with those of you who suggested purging. Mmmm…that’s a love language!

And with that…Friday and Saturday we are having a garage sale.

Now, this is where Brent shines. He loves him some garage sales. Alece and I decided we would make sure Starbucks runs were taken care of…by us. Multiple times a day. Cuz we don’t like garage sales.

Thursday night we had a big family dinner that ended with prayer for our family and our new journey. I ugly-cried and snotted everywhere.

It was amazing.

it reminds me of how blessed I am to have family that loves us so. They’ve been nothing but supportive. Genuine excitement abounds each time we’re together and we talk about Cross Point and Nashville!

This weekend Table Rock announces our leaving.

[Deep breath]

This will be tough, I’m sure. Brent is one of the founding pastors of TRF. We’ve always been there. Always served there. Now, we’re leaving. We will miss our community. Our friends. Our family. But we know we are going in the direction God is leading us. And we’re excited for that!

Truly.

My next update will likely involve stories of packing debacles. Can’t wait.

Until then…What’s new in your world??

 

Big Announcement

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We are all so very excited for this transition. It has been a long time coming. Although, honestly, until this year we had no idea we would be going to Nashville.

While we are excited to go minister and serve in TN we are also torn over leaving family and loved ones here in Southern Oregon as well as the church we helped build for the past 13 years, Table Rock Fellowship. All of this makes it very hard to leave. But we know God is moving us on. And very far East.

Speaking of…we leave June 10th. By car. By moving truck.

Yes, we are all driving. Together. Across the country. In the summer. Together. Across the country.

Brent’s official first day at the North Campus is June 19th…Father’s Day.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY, BRENT…We got you a church!!!

And, yes, Alece is coming with us. A family of five. Yay us!

Well Nashville…Ready or not, here we come!

Oh, and Cross Point…You are brave.

Very, very brave.