Category Archives: Authenticity

Longing for the shore

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Lots going on in my head.

Thoughts swirling about like a raging sea, unsettled and roaring.

Yet, I know those raging waves must eventually meet the shore…solid ground, a stable land.

Thinking about my OneWord – Clarity. Just a month ago, I wouldn’t have seen the potential of dry, solid, land ahead. And though I see it now, I also know there is uncertainty in the journey still. But I am certain that God is with me in the journey. This I know to the bottom of my toes.

And if my toes never touch the sand of the shore – I will know it is because I’m being carried.

I have to be honest here…I write these words more for me than for you. I needed to see it in black and white. The raging sea of thoughts and “what if’s” inside my head is exhausting me. I feel a bit overwhelmed, heavy.

This year has delivered much so far. Some of it you know, some you do not. I know God is working in me to work these things, and more, out. Revealing atrophied spiritual muscles of faith, commitment, hope and trust.

And I can sincerely say I am glad for this. Oh how I do not want to live a life of mediocrity. Clearly, God doesn’t want that either.

One more thing…I know I chose a OneWord last year, but for the life of me I cannot recall what it was. It could’ve been focus or shell-fish for all I know! Well, obviously it wasn’t focus :/

I’m thinking I won’t be forgetting “Clarity” this year!

Let me ask you…When life is weighty, how do you respond?

Cloudy Clarity

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My One Word this year is Clarity. One Word is the ultimate New Years Resolution Replacement. It’s an opportunity to take just one word and make it your focus. Easy as that.

We’ve completed 11 days this year so far and my word, clarity, has rocked my world.

The process of clarification means there will have to be revelation. And, sometimes, that revealing process can be quite uncomfortable.

But uncomfortable doesn’t always mean unnecessary. Often times it’s the most effective way to get you from one place to another. And, hopefully, that transition lands you in a better, healthier, wisdom-filled place.

Clarity: the quality of being clear, in particular; the quality of being certain or definite; the quality of transparency or purity

I feel like the last two years we’ve, I’ve, been in transition. Transition into what exactly? I do not know. Nothing has been clear. Until now. Well, actually, there still isn’t a ton of clarity but there has been much shedding of light on dreams, passions, ideas, fears, back burners, that have been conveniently set aside because  they were inconvenient, scary or just left me squeamish.

It is not by accident that Clarity is my One Word. I believe God had everything to do with it. This year, I’m afraid, will be a good, long year of hiney-kicking.

I’m ready for some certainty, definitiveness, clarity. It is the necessary step to growth. If we do not know where there is weakness how will we know how, and where, to grow in strength?

As of now…the clarity is still cloudy. But, there are still 353 more days to work that out. If these first 11 days are any indication of what the rest of the year may hold…I better put on my big-girl pants, buckle up and get ready for a crazy ride!

What is your One Word this year?


the wrong impression

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Large groups don’t bother me.

At a party I will seek out people I’ve never met.

I will talk to the customer in line behind me at the grocery store.

Smiling at strangers is the norm for me.

So, you might be surprised to learn…

I am shy.

I’ve had, and continue, to work on engaging with others.

My mother recognized my shy streak while I was a little girl. When at restaurants, she would make me order my own food. Like, talk…out loud…to the server, on my own. *shudder*

When she needed to know the location, or hours, of a Department Store she would have me call the establishment and ask the employee on the phone. Again…*shudder*

But I am so glad my mama did that to me. As cruel and inhumane as I thought it was…and through all the ugly cries and snot running down my face, i know…she did the right thing. It didn’t cure my shyness – but it did help me to realize that there was no pain involved in talking to other people and having eye contact.

While I am still shy today – I push through it and connect anyway.

How about you? What would we be surprised to learn about you?

quiet

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This weekend I was blessed, yet again, to lead worship with Kassidi, my daughter, at Table Rock Fellowship.

I tell you…just a couple years ago, when she was only 14, I would have never thought Kass would be one of my worship leaders. Not because I didn’t think she was capable – it’s just the possibility never occurred to me.

The church has received her as their worship leader too. They love her. Our 16 year old little girl. It just blows my mind.

As I have watched her grow into the beautiful young woman she is today, I am daily amazed at her poise, grace, maturity and confidence.

She is so much of what I still want to become.

Yah, so…I bunny trailed a bit here. The above isn’t even what I set out to write. So this has now become a two-part post.

We sang one of my favorite songs this weekend – “Lead Me To The Cross”

The first line starts out with…

“Savior I come, quiet my soul…”

And it goes on to sing of having a quiet soul to remember what Jesus did. His life, his death, his sacrifice, his resurrection. All so completely overwhelming to ponder at times. That Christ did that for me…for you.

But still, I was caught on those first six words. As I sang them, in all four services, each time I visualized me coming to Him -

Savior I come…

That’s easy for me to do. I run to him often.

Quiet my soul…

That’s the difficult part. Quieting my soul. As I sang that line in each service I saw myself with God but my soul was restless, scattered, weary.

None of which lends to a quieted soul.

I know why my soul is restless. It is something that we, Brent and I, are working through and praying over fervently. And I trust Him, wholly, in our journey. We are in a transition period right now. And I am greatly looking forward to what lies ahead.

But in the meantime…I have to learn to be quiet. To sit still with God and just…be. Be still and know…

…that He is God and I am not.

When is the last time you were still?


I Am Me

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“At the age of 20, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at 40, we discover that it wasn’t thinking of us at all.” – Anonymous

This quote is so accurate for me.

In my 20′s…I rarely thought about what people might have been thinking about me.
In my 30′s…I lost a part of who I was while trying to adapt to the people in my surroundings. I was overly concerned with what “they” thought of me.
And now, I’ve realized… no one cares.

If we’re being honest with ourselves, and others, we think more about us than anyone else does.

As I have grown to be more comfy in my skin I think less about the opinions of others. And let me tell you…that is so freeing!

But I wondered today, how much did my preoccupation of others opinions halt potential forward progression in my life.

When that certain someone told me my writing would be better if I removed some of the “humor edge”… I digressed.

When that certain person made remarks about my position on worship team… I second guessed and quieted my voice.

When that group of people was overheard mocking my husbands and my ministry… I shrank back.

Truth is, and I know this personally cuz I am guilty of this too, the issues weren’t personal. They were likely rooted in insecurities. And I am guilty as charged. I’ve hurled my lot of judgment at others solely based on my own weaknesses, and even jealousy.

Now, I’m not talking about constructive criticism here. That’s different. And I am so grateful for the people in my life who deliver critique in an edifying way.

But I allowed all those other people to steal parts of my being. I gave them that power. Power that now, in my 40′s, I’m taking back.

I stand tall, unapologetically, confidently as…me.

Like me, or not.

I like me. My family likes me. My God likes me.

That’s all I need.

What has life been teaching you?

Grace

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I love music.

I especially love music that doesn’t sound so pre-packaged and ordinary. And, honestly, there isn’t a lot of originality, in worship music at least, on the radio right now. Well, not when I used to listen to it. I gravitate more toward the ones who don’t get radio play much. They’re different. Original. Authentic.

Well, this last February, while in TN for the Re:create Conference, I got to meet Joe Day. He is a Worship leader/Pastor at one of Mars Hill’s first campus plants in Seattle…the Shoreline Campus.

What I liked most about Joe, right off, was that he was approachable. Non-pretentious. And earlier this year when I learned Joe was recording an album I knew it would be one I’d enjoy, solely from meeting him.

I was right.

Grace released on the 9th and I’ve been listening to my copy and I love it!

Finally, a worship album without all the usual cliche lines. You know what they are. I won’t give them anymore attention.

Joe…your lyrics are raw, genuine, biblically founded. The music is fresh, unique, interesting. I say…Bravo! Well done!

The CD begins with Death To Life and captivates you straight off. It’s also Kassidi’s favorite song on the CD.

There is something about each song that gets you…lyrically, musically, heart…something’s gonna get you. Driving today listening to cut #2, I Look At The Cross…“Redemption came and called my name”…Yah…lines like that grab my spirit and demands my attention. Puts my focus right where it should be.

I really believe this is an album you would enjoy. You can listen to it HERE. Songs 1, 4, 8 and 9 are currently the HodgeLodge faves. #9…wow.

Give it a listen and pick up a CD for yourself. You won’t regret it…I promise.

Joe, thank you for creating such a beautiful display of worship and art.

A Blooper Reel

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As a part of No Negative November…and if you all are tired of this then, boo-on-ya!… I am sharing a video that Pastor T, aka Toby at What’s This Life For. It is a bloopers reel from the 5 ladies who contributed to Ladies Week on his blog last week.

And, like a turd, I forgot to post about that.

So, here’s the deal…Toby highlighted 5 women last week on his blog to share, via video, about their story. It was a heavy week, yet, it was overflowing with hope and beauty. Below are the links to each ladies story. If you are dealing with any of these topics, or know someone who is, please watch and pass it along. You’ll find hope there.

Jenni Clayville – Infidelity

Nicole Wick – Addiction

Alece Ronzino – Affair

Mandy Thompson – Infertility

Me – Abortion

3 positives. (No Negative November)

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“Persons are judged to be great because of the positive qualities they possess, not because of the absence of faults”

We all do it.

We focus on the negative. And somehow, we allow that one negative to disrupt all potential.

I do it. I admit it. It’s the one thing, I feel, that has held me back from completing my book much sooner than now. Dwelling on the negatives.

BUT, this is NO Negative November here at InProgress.

SO, today…it is your job to share, at least, three positive qualities about yourself. It’s ok. DO IT.

This isn’t about bragging or being arrogant – this is about giving ourselves permission to see, realize, accept and articulate that we have good in us.

We ALL have good in us. Magnifying our faults isn’t an act of humility and it doesn’t foster the good to grow.

If we don’t believe in ourselves and have confidence in our abilities…who else will?

Give yourself permission to see the positive in you – the abilities within you – the good you can offer. then, you won’t need others approval.

I’ll start.

1- I’m a good listener.

2- I have a good sense of humor.

3 – I am approachable.

See. They’re not mind-blowing. But they’re a part of me. And they are what make me, me. It’s a start.

Your turn…

oh yes it’s ladies night! well, “week”

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i love redemption. i love grace. i love hope…hopeful expectations. i love faith lived out.

i love seeing one’s bitter journey turn into sweet deliverance.

this week, starting today, you can watch with me the stories of 5 different ladies who’ve traveled 5 different dirty and dusty roads straight into the comforting and merciful hands of God.

toby, aka “Pastor T”, asked jenni clayville, nicole wick, alece, miss mandy pants thompson and myself to share our stories for ladies week. each day one of us will be featured, via video, candidly sharing about infidelity, infertility, the “other woman”, abortions and addictions.

if you have struggled, or are currently struggling, with any of these – or know someone who is/has – please mark your calendars this week so you do not miss these videos.

you can watch them all HERE, at toby’s place. first up is jenni!

community confessions

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today i said on twitter…

“Wow. When I start out a sentence with, “I’m not perfect, but…” I need to stop right there. #LogEye”

i realized i feel justified if i begin a judgement call by elevating myself first.

ick.

and that’s my confession.

what’s yours?