Category Archives: Authenticity

choosing hurt over healing

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Here are my thoughts. Take it or leave it. Love it or hate it.

Unedited…

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Hurt…in one word…hurts.

We all experience hurt. It is unescapable. It is a part of life. It comes in multiple levels.

One seems easier. Stay where you are. It’s all you know. It’s your normal.

One requires no work. It takes work to heal. To move on. To forgive. To focus on the future and not the past. To choose to trust again.

Outsiders often encourage the hurt by justifying. Babying. “It’s ok. You’re the victim here.” They’re enablers. And, often times, they have no idea that they are enabling. It is no fault of theirs.

We get comfortable with attention, regardless if it’s negative or positive. Attention is attention. It intrigues people.

Others reach out to the hurt because they know it’s right. The good in them compels them to want to help.

The victim receives that extension, and it is beneficial for a season. Often times, that season extends beyond its practical length. And, in turn, becomes a crutch and a comfort.

In all reality, you can become addicted to hurt. Some may feel that the only way they can get attention is by ”playing the victim”.

It’s not healthy. It’s manipulative. It can stunt emotional and spiritual growth. Ultimately, I believe that none of us truly desire that.

I realize this a very strong post. But, hear me out. Wait… read me out. I would never write this, had I not lived it myself. This would be an opinion if I were an outsider looking in. But, this was once me.

 

{This post was inspired by recent messages from Cross Point Church}

 

Let It Go…And Live

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I remember the days when I hid. The days when I woke up each morning and the first thing that came to mind would be my bag of secrets. I would slowly get out of bed, grab that bag of secrets, throw it over my shoulder and carry it around all day long. Allowing it to dig into my flesh causing pain, day after day.

It was my way of life. My normal.

This weekend Pete spoke a challenging word to many! Right out the gates he gave us this truth…

If we don’t learn to transform the pain, we’ll just transfer it.

 

Ok. Yes! This couldn’t be more true than truth itself. That was me. I transfered for years! I lied, misled, used, pretended, acted out, used drugs, invited an eating disorder, manipulated the ones I loved and betrayed peoples trust. All because I chose not to come clean.

The very second Pete shared those words my heart began grieving for all those who live under the weight of secrets and pain…no matter what the source.

I still have to work on letting things go. There are self-centered uglies splashed all over me. This weekend I was lovingly, but firmly, reminded to come clean. Come clean with God…Come clean with my loved ones.

Replace Concealment with Confession.

I just want to encourage all of you to find people you can trust to share the weight of your heart with. Most likely, they’re right under your nose. It’s been my experience that hidden secrets fosters a facade that acts as a flame that ultimately burns bridges. It’s just not worth it. Let it go….and live like you were meant to.

That is all.

Thoughts? Confessions?

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Contentment. Or, something like that.

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I love the feeling of contentment. Like, right now, I’m writing this post, sitting in the living room with my boys watching College football. I am content.

I am content when my heart is at ease. When I’m comfortable.

Oddly, as I think about this more, I’ve been content even in some of the most not so peaceful of moments.

I hid my secrets from the people I loved, and who loved me the most, from the people I could trust the most, for a very long time. It didn’t matter that my secrets, the lies, the burden, plagued my heart every second of the day. The familiarity of those feelings became my contentment. I grew content in my secrets, even though I had no ease of mind.

I became uncomfortably comfortable in living a lie.

False contentment breeds amazing poker-faces.

And Oh-how-I-know the pain involved in revealing tough truths. But the freedom, and true contentment, that can result from it is well worth the temporary discomfort of being found out.

Living in hiding, in my opinion, is the most debilitating way to function. And, honestly, when that is your life, you really are just functioning…not truly living.

Unless, of course, you’ve fooled yourself into believing you are.

[Today's post was inspired by Amy Nabors, One Word Writing Challenge: Contentment.]


One Thing

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What is the one thing that can potentially break your trust in a friendship?

What is the one thing you value most in friendships?

Would you be your own best friend? Why or why not?

Foreigner At Home

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I love being in Nashville. I love calling it home. I love this community and our Church. I love walking the streets of downtown. I love eating lunch with the kids on the water across from LP Field. I love discovering new hang-outs with my husband.

But there is a part of me that feels so lost.

I realize it more and more when we’re with groups of people. Interacting with others. Meeting new friends.

We’ve no history here. Nothing established. No routines.

And while we know a lot of local people from twitter and blogging, we don’t really know them. That is going to take time.

It’s such a conflict to feel like you fit in but have no idea where that specific fit is yet. Does that even make sense?

So many new discoveries. There is little that is similar to the life we left.

The places we go. Where we grocery shop. How we shop. Getting used to seeing different brand names. That’s still throwing me off. It’s kind of like I’m a foreigner in my own home. And, honestly, that part makes me laugh. I enjoy the newness. I like change. And, at the moment, there’s a whole lot of it =)

Don’t get me wrong…there isn’t one part of me that is sad, complaining or being pessimistic. Not at all. I’d expect that this would be part of the transition. I just didn’t think about it in the beginning of this journey.

And so each day my feet hit the floor with purpose…Discovering the new – and discovering me.

Any big changes in your life recently? Or changes to come? How have you faced it or how do you plan to?

 

What I Learned Our First Sunday At Cross Point

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Sunday, Father’s Day, was Brent’s first official day as Campus Pastor at Cross Points North Campus in Goodlettsville, TN.

This was not the first time we’ve been to Cross Point. (I will go more in to how we got to Nashville in the first place some other time) When we rolled into town on Monday, the 13th, we were greeted by a few handfuls of people from the North Campus Community. They met us with pizza, gifts, essentials and more. And within an hour, they had our entire moving truck unloaded with boxes appropriately placed in our home. It was spectacular!

And while the gifts and thoughtfulness were very much appreciated we were even more grateful, and taken aback, by the selfless servanthood each person displayed. From elementary school age on up. They were truly glad to be there, pitching in…for people they didn’t even know.

Sunday, our first official day at CP – there was more of the same. I witnessed countless people serving, volunteering and jumping in to help on the fly.

And the reception we were given, welcoming our family to the North Campus, was nothing short of beautiful. Each and every person who made their way, went out of their way, to meet or greet us, was genuine and without pretense. We felt that. We knew they were all sincere.

Community displayed.

Community that has been modeled by leaders that selflessly serve as well.

And walking away from this day I learned a couple Essentials of Community.

Be authentic.

Love people.

Be intentional wherever you are.

These are the three attributes…authenticity, love and intentionality, I saw weaved in, and throughout, every person, in each new friend, that touched our lives this week.

And it will be an honor to serve alongside them. To learn from them all.

Cross Point, thank you for having us. We love you!

 

 

 

Sex is bad?

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Wow. You all really like to talk about sex. The last post got some fantastic discussion going. You all shared some pretty deep stuff and a lot of wisdom. Thank you for your honesty and willingness to be so vulnerable. I know, for some of you, it wasn’t easy.

This week, as we’ve been discussing teen sex, pregnancy, healthy and unhealthy views of it all, I realized something…Instead of teaching our young ones self-control, we teach them to be afraid of everything.

Sweets are bad.

We tell them drinking is bad.

We tell them sex is bad.

We do this because self-control is too hard for us to model.

Generation after generation is rising up with deep-rooted issues based on how their parents and leaders incorrectly taught them.

I know women in therapy because they were raised to believe sex was bad. These women weren’t sexually abused in any way, not physically. But mentally…how does a little girl correct the negative impositions of sex that she’s been dealt her whole life? How does she suddenly come face to face with her new husband and decide that sex is good and healthy and fun? When was that taught to her?

We are doing our young ones a huge disservice by not being honest with them. We’re hurting them, and their futures, by not being strong and big enough to model self-control and respect for these matters in our own lives.

Soap-box. Over.

Anything else you wanta add?

Abortion…A Man’s Perspective

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One thing I don’t talk much about when I discuss abortions is men. Not because they aren’t half involved, obviously, but because they’re typically out of the picture by the time an abortion is under way. That, or they are supportive of ending the pregnancy.

But very rarely do you hear the plight of a man begging the mother of his unborn child not to go through with an abortion. Listen, I am not judging. I’m just calling it from experience.

My boyfriend accompanied my first abortion then left quickly to go surfing afterwards. The second abortion, he didn’t even go with me. I’m not trying to paint him in a bad light. Heck, I was the one on the abortion tables. But I do believe this to be a typical picture of the two sides.

I have a friend who speaks from the other side. A man who has chosen to get in the trenches and raise awareness. His thoughts on men and their role in abortions…

What I understand is this: Men have stood by apathetically on this issue because we have been told we are not part of the issue. That this is a woman’s issue not ours. We are told that we have no place in this choice, and no reason to even talk about it. That is a position I disagree with completely. The man’s role in Abortion is exactly what I plan to address from my point of view at least. There has never been a time in my life where I would say I supported abortion and I am positive it would never be an option I condone. But I can also say I never got close enough to it to understand and see both sides. I had never gotten dirty in the trenches, and learned the lessons. Lessons I could work with and through beyond the mission field. I had not seen the faces and emotions involved. I had not seen and experienced the spiritual battle raging…I had stood by apathetically assuming I knew better and that was ok. I never knew that my apathy left me inactive in God’s Kingdom work.

I’m not a fan of protestors. Brent and I would rather stand for something than against something. It just seems more positive and effective. I am not a fan of angry believers insulting and yelling at women outside of abortion clinics either. Ridiculous. But, I can get behind believers praying over them. Encouraging them. Weeping with them. Loving on them. And that is exactly what my friend, Carl, did last year…

A man…standing up for life, in love, and rallying other men to do the same.

If you are a man reading this right now, I encourage you to read Carl’s posts about his experience as he rallied other men to see the severity of this issue. Journey with him as he witnessed, for the first time, the anguish on the faces of these young women about to make the biggest decision of their lives.

A Prayer For Life Mission

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

The Prequel

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I want to explain a few of my recent posts. I was accused of being a bully this week.

I know what a bully is. I know what bullying looks like. I know what it feels like.

Growing up I was a very awkward, unfortunate, looking child. I was long and lanky with a booty that looked like a globe and feet that resembled a clown’s shoes.

My hair was terribly textured and unruly for a period.

My skin. Ohmy…my skin. There were no connecting the dots on my face, or back and chest for that matter, it was all just one big dot. I’ve been on Accutane 3 times due to this.

I was teased, relentlessly, about all these things. By adults and kids alike.

My teeth, the same crooked ones I have today, were the biggest attraction. Still, I rarely share a full smile.

Our family skimped by all my life. I didn’t have many clothes. Once, when I was a freshman in H.S., my Social Studies teacher teased me in front of the class for wearing the same white/floral skirt for the 3rd time that week.

I came from a family of smokers. So, I always reeked of cigarette smoke. So much so, another teacher made it a point never to be near me in class because I “smelled so bad.”

My daughter, in her freshman year, had to be escorted home by the police due to her being bullied at school.

I know bullying. I’ve seen bullying. I know the pain it causes.

Bully: noun: a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.
Bully: verb: use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.

OhdearLord…If I am that person…forgive me. I beg You…forgive me.

Note: I am not looking for accolades or defense. I’m just putting it all out there right now…that’s all.

Have you ever been bullied?

Longing for the shore

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Lots going on in my head.

Thoughts swirling about like a raging sea, unsettled and roaring.

Yet, I know those raging waves must eventually meet the shore…solid ground, a stable land.

Thinking about my OneWord – Clarity. Just a month ago, I wouldn’t have seen the potential of dry, solid, land ahead. And though I see it now, I also know there is uncertainty in the journey still. But I am certain that God is with me in the journey. This I know to the bottom of my toes.

And if my toes never touch the sand of the shore – I will know it is because I’m being carried.

I have to be honest here…I write these words more for me than for you. I needed to see it in black and white. The raging sea of thoughts and “what if’s” inside my head is exhausting me. I feel a bit overwhelmed, heavy.

This year has delivered much so far. Some of it you know, some you do not. I know God is working in me to work these things, and more, out. Revealing atrophied spiritual muscles of faith, commitment, hope and trust.

And I can sincerely say I am glad for this. Oh how I do not want to live a life of mediocrity. Clearly, God doesn’t want that either.

One more thing…I know I chose a OneWord last year, but for the life of me I cannot recall what it was. It could’ve been focus or shell-fish for all I know! Well, obviously it wasn’t focus :/

I’m thinking I won’t be forgetting “Clarity” this year!

Let me ask you…When life is weighty, how do you respond?