I received several comments on yesterdays post. As usual, I am blown away by the compassion you all show so often. I want to let you all know that God has showered His redemptive power over me concerning those horrific childhood memories. I am truly a new creation. It took many years to renew my thought processes and heal from so many abusive events – but healing came! And so I stand tall!
But I want to explain that post a bit. I wrote that piece a little over 6 years ago shortly after the Lord pressed on my heart to write a book. At the time I penned that entry I had no idea the direction the book was taking. I just wrote. I spent about a year writing off and on, losing the vision and passion for it in the mean time. Until one day, literally out of the blue, the Lord spoke some very clear words to me.
“The Day I Told My Daughter” were the words I heard. I was showering at that moment so I immediately looked around for a stranger in the room, I was the only one home. Perplexed, I continued washing my hair when I heard those words again… “The Day I Told My Daughter”.
The book! God? GOD! That’s it? That’s the direction! Oh-No…THAT?!! Sure enough…it was THAT! This wasn’t the direction I was even remotely considering. Nor had even thought about once. But His voice was so clear, unexpected, with a direction far beyond any I had considered, that I knew to the bottom of my toes this was the missing puzzle piece I had been praying for. I’ve spent the last 5 years writing and praying about when would be the perfect time to tell my daughter. That day came 2 weeks ago.
On September 29, 2007 I told my 13 year old little girl, my first born, that as a teenager I had two abortions. I didn’t know how she would react. She was shocked. I was concerned she might be disappointed with me. She was overwhelmed. It wasn’t easy. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. But I had a peace!
Kassidi handled it very well. She is my hero! I gave her a lot of information. It was a ton to swallow. I told her this book, in essence, is about her. What she does with this information and how she handles it is a part of this journey, this testimony. I worried this might pressure her but it excited her instead. Kass will be writing about the day I told her as well. This will become a part of the book. My daughter and I now have a ministry together. A testimony, a life experience, to share with others. Why share it in the first place? I’ll get to that tomorrow…
I’m anxious to hear more about what God’s doing in all this. He’ll walk with you step by step through this ministry.
Tam,
What an awesome ministry opportunity. I love having my daughter with me when I serve. But writing a testimony together WOW EEE !! what an exciting God thing, I can wait for the flower to unfold. I know its going to be a thing of beauty!!
I CAN’T wait… I’m sorry its the age
Oh HIS redemptive power!! And I truly believe the Lord will use this for HIS glory and many will be redeemed by the power of your testimony of Jesus and His saving grace in all this! May the Lord keep you and bless you.
You have a very special relationship with your daughter. By telling her the tragic story of your early life you showed how much faith and trust you had in her.
Love is I think a given in most relationships between between mothers and daughters. Faith and trust aren’t. Faith and trust demonstrate a deeper bond.
You are teaching your daughter values your family didn’t give you. She can pass on those values to her children.
Your are building a family based on love and respect. Nothing like the one you grew up in.
I hope you continue to tell your story. It’s the kind of story we can all learn from.
Kathy, thank you! HE has never left our side
Heidi, I know! I am so looking forward to this journey with her. We’re both going to learn so much. You all will be reading about it, I’m sure.
Shonda, that is my prayer…that people will be renewed by this. Some times just knowing someone else is just like you can be so comforting. i just want to connect with others in this or similar situations.
Ed, I knew as a little girl something about my family just wasn’t right. As young as 3 I knew this. I was so sensitive to those things. I knew no other way of life besides what went on in my home…yet I knew it was off. I decided later on I would not subject my children to what I had been subjected too. I have to say I believe God touches everyone – just not everyone chooses to respond in kind. I am so glad I did…the generational dysfunctional pattern has been broken!
Wow, that’s amazing. I’m glad for you that you ‘re writing a book. My mom tell’s me that Kassidy’s really nice and that she’s a amazing girl. I’m glad that you had her, the Lord was in that. After reading your story i kinda understood were you were at. I’m glad for you.
Maddy[Storie's girl]
Maddy…Wow! You have no idea what an honor this is to have come home to read a comment from you! You have blessed me girl!
I hope you and Kass can meet real soon
Your mother has told me how amazing you are too!
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I can’t wait to read it when it comes out!
The best book is the one God directs. You are blessed to be guided by Him in this process.
I, too, had an abortion and I’m not brave enough to write about it yet. I’m glad you are.
Many blessings to you…
PS I learned when I was in my 30′s (after I was a mother) that my parents aborted a child – my older brother or sister. It was a difficult piece of information to digest. Your daughter is blessed to walk through it in such a special way with you.
I’m so sorry for all the pain you’ve been through, dear Siesta.
But I love seeing Our Redeemer at work.
Tam, I read the first post that you wrote about your abortion, and my first thought was, “this is not a book, it is the breath of life”. Then when I read the title, I knew why. It is the life you will breath into your own daughter. The life you ARE breathing into your daughter. What if instead of the “end purpose” being a book that is written, you simply begin to write your daughter a letter? And when it’s done, you will have a book. You could write the entire book as a letter to her. Journal style. Over different days of however long it takes, as different things that you want to share with her on different days come to your mind. ?
I love your heart Tam. You are a brave heart. And a tender heart. And a passionate heart. And a vulnerable heart. Which is why you are so tender and compassionate and loving. I’m thankful that God brought you into my life.
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tam the more i read and get to know you, the more i am amazed! you’re testimony is so powerful. your words touch my heart, my soul. i am looking fwd to your book. i’m sure writing it is a journey all on its on. praying for you!! <3
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YOU are my hero.
btw… God spoke to me like that once and only once. His words to me were (I’ll never forget them), “You cannot change until the things around you change.” That’s a whole ‘nother story… but when it happened, I was alone in my apartment and just about pooped myself.
After checking all the nooks and crannies of my apt with fabric scissors in hand, I finally knew it was God. Didn’t change that I still just about messed my pants, tho.
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What a blessing and testamony you have to share, bless you!
thank you…